Heart of Moon

Spoiler

Yeah, I know it's short but it was a spur of the moment poem that just sprung from my fingertips. My inspiration is actually quite simple. I took a quiz on facebook about my personality and it was actually quite accurate, so then this poem just surfaced in my brain. I hope you like it. P.S. I need a little help with the comma and period placement, so when you review, be sure to mention what you thought of that.

Heart of Moon,

Everchanging,

Witty to Witless,

Careless to Caring,

Waning and Waxing,

Never Fixed,

Never Ending.

Hi there! One quick comment: a facebook quiz was actually accurate?? Wow, they usually are completely off the mark!

This poem is good, even if it is short. Poem's don't have to be a certain length in order to be good! I enjoyed reading it. Short and sweet and to the point, it showed your personality in a few simply words. I've read through it many times and I honestly can't find anything I think should be fixed. I'm not that good at punctuating poems either, so I can't really help with that aspect of it. The commas seem fine to me.

Great job! Keep writing.

I liked your choice of words, the way I could almost feel the words float off the page.

Could almost be a haiku, if you get my drift.
In fact- rewriting this as two, maybe three haikus would be better for this poem.
It is very beautiful- you're really good at this!- but if you rewrote it as haikus, you'd get more praise, because they look cleverer, more organised and generally "better."
Think about it!

I had originally planned this in my mind as a haiku, but it became this. After some working with, I think I might just change it to a few haikus. Thanks for your input everyone.

Hello BrooklynWriter,

a facebook quiz was actually accurate?? Wow, they usually are completely off the mark!

I laughed straight away when I saw Noelle's comment. I agree most Facebook quizzes are about as off the mark as you can get. But I'm glad that this inspired you to write quite a spectacular poem. I loved how this was just nice, short and relatively simple but not so boring that you were thinking 'what the heck?' Which is often a risk that you take when you write a simple poem, I thought this was really quite brilliant.

I usually don't warm to people leaving lines between each line of a poem but in this case and seeing as the poem was so short I actually didn't think it would have really made a difference if you had left out the extra spaces between the lines. In this case it was fine but next time remember that it isn't always a good idea to put in the unnecessary lines. For this poem though it wasn't really an issue.

In fact- rewriting this as two, maybe three haikus would be better for this poem.

I think it might be a good idea to convert the main body of this text into a few short haiku's. Just make sure that when you do divide this into stanzas it doesn't lose the flow and descriptive language that was rich in this really beautiful poem that you wrote. Make sure that you don't lose that just to change it into a few shorter poems.

My favorite part of the poem was certainly the opening. It was very short simple and grabbed everyone's attention. It was also very flowing and unique and not the typical beginning to a poem like this one. I think this was nicely written and you have done a good job of this.

Overall you have written an excellent poem , I love the general style and the way that all the words make you feel and how magical this poem makes the reader feel. I look forward to seeing what other kind of poems you will write further on! This was exceptionally brilliant and if you ever want another review on another poem or short story then PM me an I will get here as soon as possible!

From DreamingForever