I am not a poet critic at all but to be honest I did not understand much what you are trying to say. Firstly it is submitted in the poetry section, and there is nothing remotely poetic about the whole piece. Secondly, you did not use any punctuation which made it very difficult to comprehend. Try to use punctuation more. I hope it will help.
If you are a dreamer, come in, If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer... If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire For we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in! - Shel Silverstein
Whoaa! Confusing! You need to create some serious order in to this, this is just words on words - poetry sections are necessary for one! Gaah. Well, I'm done freaking out about that now.. eeh, no wait - One more thing; PUNCTUATION! You nearly killed me, it's dangerous reading this much text without being allowed to breathe even once!!! Okay so... NOW, (promise) I'm done; To the content which I found a bit messy but there is something underneath it all that deserves to be dug up but as it is... it sorta sounds like when a fourteen year-old teenager talk - Makes no sense! I'm a fan of caps myself.. but not when it comes to poetry, I think you should try expressing and showing us how the narrator speakes and feels instead of just blurting it out like this.. I'm afraid so far this poem deserves no more than 1 icky spider out of 5, if you had some order both in your structure and amongst your words I think I could throw in two more though
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire; Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice." - Robert Frost
Hello Are You There I Can You Get a Life And Get out Of Here Thank You LOL
The only thing that felt out of place was the "I" in the third line. It seems like you should delete it. Besides that, nothing wrong that I can see. Overall, this poem made me feel a little sad, because it seems like it doesn't even want to be read lol. 'Get out of here, get a life, lol' . Anyhoo, not much else for me to say x) Have an awesome day!
The bad news is we don't have any control. The good news is we can't make any mistakes. -Chuck Palahniuk
Normally I like sweet and simple, but this one seemed a little TOO simple, if ya know what I mean. I think you should take the poem and stretch it out to make it a couple stanza's longer. Take some time to explain why you want the person gone, why you're wondering if the person (whoever they are) has reason why he/she showed up. But, overall it was pretty good. Keep on writing!
There once was a women named Kent, Whose nose was rather quite bent. One day I suppose, She followed her nose, And nobody knows where she went. -Unknown
