My Spin on Grapefruit

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My Spin on Grapefruit


I just enjoyed a rather round, juicy fruit
It goes by the name of grapefruit
Stickiness isn't the only problem you will come across
This is a fruit you really have to get your hands dirty with
Something I think only the toughest of the tough
Know how to get that sour tingle
Dancing on your unsuspecting taste buds
Your arms and chin feel slimy and messy
Yet you cannot seem to stop your hands from plucking
Piece by piece
The way that tart taste just creeps up on your tongue
You are taking in the strange flavor when...
SWOOOOOOSSSSHHHHH!!!!
You get knocked down by the insane balance
Of the savory sweet juiciness combined with the sour punch
That only a grapefruit can accomplish


Poem credit to deelish




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Haha, this was original for one! I like it though, it's cool how you can use so much imagery and desciptive words and make something as simple as a grapefruit seem both interesting and quite otherwordly :) I think you should change color though, these colors are a bit sticky to the eyes :P Also, this I have noticed is considered less or more important for evey individual, but to me; punctuation is something that makes a piece look done... so to me, this is unfinnished! I also think that you could do some editing when it comes to the structure, some lines could be split into two to make the flow roll on better, and some needs to be longer to fit it ^^ Overall this was an interesting, but good read.

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost




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Points 1031
Reviews 10
Hi, thanks for reviewing my poem! I originally wrote this because I actually did eat a grapefruit that day and felt like devoting something to its amazing tastee<3 Haha I actually have grapefruit in the house. I entered this in the Imagination Vacation contest hosted by cammie and the goal is to take a boring object and make it seem extraordinary. Since you said that, I'm hoping others will see that in my poem also. For the color, I actually put a bit of thought to put them together for the color palette so I think I'll keep them. I personally think it makes it look more colorful than regular old black. I will take your word on the structure and punctuation but not going to try to change it so much that it's not my work.




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Points 8572
Reviews 424
Heey again, I'm sure others will see that too!
Yeh, I like the colours because they remind me of a grapefruit... but I don't like them since they make it harder to read :P
I'm glad you appreciate my advice but off course I understand if you don't want to take my words as law, that would be kinda creep actually :P Keep it yours, keep it original, and all is well! :D

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost



I hope I’m poetic and interesting and insightful and inspiring and fun and entertaining and all of those wonderful, beautiful things
— creeperfeverdreams