WHOA that was really good. haha i wish i could write like tat I love this part: music laves her days like a horizon laves another horizon, as it's always just a tide in the middle of nowhere to someone, somewhere else
Though, i'm not sure if there is a comma there... I look at it when it's not 12:45 am hah
The only thing is that i would change the line breaks in the middle, because it's very short and abrupt compared to the rest, but if you fix that the whole thing actually flows REALLY well.
another part i like: the watercolor moment when the sun goes down aches like fatigue or heartbreak… or the music that is both and also saying and meaning “I understand” when a close friend says she’ll have to kill herself if, by mo(u)rning (life), the man she loves is dead… or saying and trying to mean “Yes”, because, being so in love, he has to acquiesce when his beloved says, thinking of her death, “I want you to be the happiest you’ve ever been.”
wow.
haha i ALSO like this line: the ends-- suppose the ends are the after image of sight
ANDDD the ending is really satisfactory, too.
So good, keep it up!
"I am still so naive; I know pretty much what I like and dislike; But please, don't ask me who I am. A passionate, fragmentary girl, maybe?
Good outlay of poem, it just needs some reconstructing; "Music laves her days"; i checked up the word 'laves' in the dictionary and could not find any meaning to it; and the line,"only if there's an sleepless city" should be corrected to "only if there's a sleepless city". Good Finish. Keep Writing.
'when I'm gone, my words will remain... your word is a weapon, either of destruction or re-construction, whatever you make of it, It's your choice.'
So I like where you're going with this! Like dolwright said, you've got a great outlay - you just need to create some order! Keep a pattern, like, sama sized stanzas and a certain length to your lines. This help the flows and the overall impression. Also, I see you've got some commas at places but I still think this work needs some more concrete punctuation There were a few grammatic errors but it didn't ruin it too much for me. I love the neding though, it's very satisfying as it's both mysterious and hopeful and sad all at ones
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire; Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice." - Robert Frost
This peice is awsome it show emotions and soul and just everything you need in poem. Your a better writer than me,everything about is excellent. Great detail ,love the topic I hope one day I be able to write like that. keep writing
'They are afraid of nothing,' I grumbled, watching their approach through the window. 'Together, they would brave Satan and all his legions.' — Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights
There were a few grammatic errors but it didn't ruin it too much for me. I love the neding though, it's very satisfying as it's both mysterious and hopeful and sad all at ones 
