Now I Ask

In the passenger's seat,
I take my position.
Bullet engorger.

These words-
Your words.
are being sputtered at me
as though I
am the elephant you lept from.

The metalic taste
hits my tounge
as the words fly out
of the barrel.

I feel the sharp, cold, smoke.
I am choking.
But you keep ranting.

The ends of the Earth
seem closer than ever.
A bullet pierces
straight through
my vocal chords.

I am silent.

With something this vast
sitting in my throat,
the blood has no way to escape.

Through my eyes?
Never. It shows weakness.
And it front of you,
that's worse
than suffocating
of my own accord.

As the car comes to a stop,
I open the door,
leaving my post unattended.

Hoping someone else will come along.
A dream most unlikely to come true.
I tasted your bullets.
I swallowed the blood.

Now I ask,
Why haven't you killed me yet?

I like it, because it had emotion in it but it could of use more emotion. I could image it in my head thats good but it could have been more clear also. Good job

At first, I thought I didn't understand this poem but when I reread it, I saw that the metaphor was really ingenious. I don't really have any critiques; but I want to just go through and tell you what I liked about it because it was a really great poem.

lexieells wrote:I am silent.

With something this vast
sitting in my throat,
the blood has no way to escape.

Through my eyes?
Never. It shows weakness.
And it front of you,
that's worse
than suffocating
of my own accord.

I'm going to respectfully disagree with the reviewer above me for this reason: these stanzas particularly are so packed with emotion; just a lot of showing and not telling. Which is also a great thing. I took the "through my eyes? never" to mean crying, but also gives the striking visual of blood actually seeping through her eyes, and her trying to hold it back.
Basically the deep emotions paired with the images in this poem worked for me. I think I would say this is definitely one of the best poems I've read all week; and I've read many poems.
Keep up the super great work.

I do like it- there is some note in it that I think can reach every one on some different level. It is so full of emotion, so much feeling that it can be a little hard to understand for me. You make really good use of imagery and feeling, something not a lot of people can do but you may want to clear up a little bit of the feelings in it. All in all, good! Keep it up!

Aoow, I'm stunned! It's something really touching about this piece. I have read few things similar to it and I must say I'm quite amazed. Some lines were a bit too long to really keep the flow rolling but other than that I didn't find any particular flaw! Congratulations you're here and on rewarded with 5 demonic, icky, sticky spiders from the Demoness who you almost left speachless!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness