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Georgia Mourning

Lumi · 2011-06-30T07:47:44Z

I don't expect you to like this, but it's been a while since I've posted. Too non-fiction for my tastes and all that jazz. It's a first draft without a lick of editing, so it probably won't look the same in a week or two. Cathartic poetry and all that. Have at it. I'm thinking of taking the tombstone motif from the end and putting a clone somewhere near the beginning. mama says my fire used to burn brighter than it does now, that I used to have a smile that could light up the Georgia woods like fresh revival. and she touches my face and wonders why my eyes are so cloudy now, why I let the devil take away all my joy like a quick current in shallow water. she won’t take my simple answers, and I don’t expect her to— but I tell her that I’m tired of the cold, really I am, and that I’ve just gotten used to it. like the heat in july when the fans are busted, or like the twang in sour tea when sugar costs too much and daddy’s been out of work for three years. it’s all about getting used to pain, I say, and she just stares at me because I’ve suddenly aged a decade in her arms and I’m not just her baby anymore. but I just feel so stupid, so mediocre like the day I was the last to learn my multiplication tables because my daddy couldn’t teach me. and I feel so worthless because nothing I write measures up to the ones who will always lord their superiority over me, at least in my mind. it’s a self-hatred I feel when I see others succeed so brilliantly. it’s anger at my own inadequacy, and not at their power. I’ll just always be in the background, known for nothing except maybe a beautiful tombstone.

talkingbird

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Points 992

Reviews 35

Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:43 pm

talkingbird says... · Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:43 pm

Wow. This is amazing, i almost cried

.

I loved the part about your eyes being cloudy and simple answers, and my favorite is the part about aging a decade in her arms. I could relate so well.
I think the POV should stay the same, I think the point of view of the mother would be another story.
This is great.

"I am still so naive;
I know pretty much what I like and dislike;
But please, don't ask me who I am. A passionate, fragmentary girl, maybe?

-Sylvia Plath

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AngelMarie

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Points 560

Reviews 48

Fri Aug 05, 2011 7:39 pm

AngelMarie says... · Fri Aug 05, 2011 7:39 pm

I loved this. Mostly because I can relate to it so well. The wording is so strong, and I could feel the bitterness, and sadness growing in each sentence. I think it's really great, and i don't really see anything wrong with that wasn't all ready said.

Keep writing, this was great!

“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”
E. L. Doctorow

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coffee and writing is a superior duo
— LadyBug

Georgia Mourning

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