Love: A Mysterious Thing

I hope you liked this its my first post I'm sure there are grammatical and punctuation errors throughout this I have never been very good at that sort of stuff but i really do love to be able to say things through writing thanks id really like it if you would post what you thought about this thanks

I thought that some of the lines didn;t flow as well as they could, and you spelled or wrong. (ore) You do have a point though and I really enjoyed the piece. I welcome you to YWS and hope you have a good time . I can't wait to see more of your writing. You have talent.

Welcome to YWS! shiney1 here

This is a pretty good poem. I like that it's not a depressing love poem that I see here so often DX
Also, I like it's from a modest guy's point of view, rather than a girl, or a perverted guy, for that matter.
I feel as though you could have put a bit more imagery in it, but that's just me

Nitpicks

Ah love! What a mysterious thing,
where we take every action, what ever it means
and twist it to what our heart desires,
what a curious thing is love's fire

Love is so odd, it can hit you anywhere,
whether it be for her looks or her beautiful hair.
You may catch it like the flu when you see her dance,
or slowly let it stew with dreams of romance.

Some girls give up on love because of perverted scum,
but I hope she sees I'm better than them. This line doesn't really rhyme
I don't want what they do, I'm not a child;
all I really want is to see her smile

That's it from me. Keep writing

"I thought that some of the lines didn;t flow as well as they could, and you spelled or wrong. (ore)" - cityofdragons

Thank you i use Google Chrome which has a built in spell check so i didn't see that because its actually a word haha i must have just mashed the r and e at the same time i made sure to change it THANKS

"This is a pretty good poem. I like that it's not a depressing love poem that I see here so often DX
Also, I like it's from a modest guy's point of view, rather than a girl, or a perverted guy, for that matter.
I feel as though you could have put a bit more imagery in it, but that's just me " - shiney1

Thank you for your help ill change most of that and at the end i decided i really wanted to get my point across rather than worry about finding something that fit perfectly it was just something i was feeling and really wanted to put out there i hope you read anything else i put out your reply was quite useful and I love people like you who can criticize things but in a kind manner rather than tearing people down

Sweet boy I really liked this piece. It really makes me glad to read this. I especially liked the last stanza, because it is all too true. My best friend doesnt believe in love because of people like that :/ And being a girl muself, I love reading this because it gives me a chance to see not all boys/men are crummy. Its really refreshing to read this. Not to mention that it is well written, has a good voice, and is overall beautifully done. Keep up the good work and welcome to yws.

Love and other things,
fictionfanatic.

You asked me to review this, but I don't see anything that I would fix. I love the way you made it flow and rthyme. The only thing I want to point out is that you should capitalize the first letter of every line.
For example:

He loves me
He loves me not
He loves me
He loves me not

Feel like a butterfly
Sting like a bee

Etc.

Hope to see more writing from you. If you have any questions or need another review feel free to ask.

Have a great day,
Tiffany

Awww, Shinrai, this was the best. Everyone else pointed out the nitpiks and stuff, so I'll just comment random stuff. Oh, and you don't have to capitalize every line in the case of poetry. Your current capitalization is fine.

It's a bit strange to break the rhyming pattern in the last stanza, but then again I don't know much about the rules of poetry. I loved it all the same, though. The very last line is the best ending, and I couldn't stop smiling through this whole thing.

Whoever you end up with is going to be one lucky girl!
-Suki

Thanks Daisuki! I'm glad you liked it so much

Good start. Your conclusion stayed on topic and the overall theme was not too cluttered. I also liked your use of strong language or at least language that brings a punch case and point,

Some girls give up on love because of perverted scum,

The use of "perverted" and "scum" really brings that 'punch' or 'je ne sais quoi' that makes this stand out despite it's length. If you make short poems full of emotion and strength there is no need to expand them as quality beats quantity.

Keep on writing.

Sincerely,
Elitehusky