Appearances

Appearances are 'over rated.'
So why do I still care?
Everyones opinions,
everyones stares.

I've changed myself,
more than I should.
It brings back memories
of my childhood.

They made me cry
from all the fear.
What will they do next,
what will appear?

I've been down that road
of bullies and self hurt.
I wish I went back
to give me comfort.

But now I have;
to face my fears
to face the bullies,
and stop the tears.

It's well over due,
I do have to say.
To stop what I dreaded,
i've waited for this day!



Hey everyone, if you haven't seen my previous poems I got a lot of feedback that my rhymes were forced. So i worked on that in this poem and I was wondering if I did a better job?

Before you read the spoiler down below; please tell me what you thought this poem was about and compare it to what it is actually about which i wrote it in the *spoiler*.. also I would like to know if i got the point across as well?

Spoiler

this poem is about my life now, the teasing etc. i get now is reminding me from my childhood. I was so afraid of what they were going to do/say to me next which sucked. At the end of this poem I am talking about the present tense that I am going to stand up for myself.

Also I know my commas and things like that aren't the best. I need to work on that a lot.

Hey there!

The poem was really REALLY nice. Wherever one goes, which ever school, which ever country, there always will be bullying. The only thing you need to keep in mind are your "I"s. Sometimes, your "I"s weren't capitalized, so check on that.
Um, your rhymes don't seemed forced to me, so if they were in your other poems, you did a good job correcting yourself.

This poem gave me the feeling, the pain and the sorrow the poet (you) is going through, and thats whats very important in a poem. Also, I liked the fact that you wrote about something that happens to often to so many people, though non of the victims ever speak about it. So its nice to see someone stand up for themselves.

This is really good.
Well done

-Justtrying.

Hi!

Well, I'll start of with the rhyme. I think that the rhyme in this was really, really well written. So well that I didn't notice it when I first read it. Only when you mentioned it did I see it. So, good job on the rhyme.

You got your point across quite well, the poem was simple and the point was sent across to the reader. I'd consider that a poem well written.

Your formatting is also consistent and even. And that's really good.

If you're really worried about your punctuation in the poem, I'd suggest you head here. There's some really good articles in there about punctuation in poetry and all that. Although your punctuation looks fine to me.

I don't have much critique of this poem except for maybe put a little more emotion in it. I feel as though this poem is a little bit flat because not much emotion was really present. The topic you were writing about seemed something that would really drag a person down and make them feel sad and maybe even depressed. Yet, as I was reading it, the poem seemed a bit of stoic recount. I think emotion will really add more depth in the piece.

Overall, not much of a critique really. You wrote a poem, the poem sent your point across beautifully. Really good rhyming was also present. The formatting was brilliant. So, no major critique for this piece. Good job. Keep it up!

Hi.

I liked the theme behind this, i truly did, but i do think it need work.

As this is personal experience, i think the emotion behind the piece could be so much stronger. If you're worried about a forced rhyme scheme. Get all the content in the poem sorted first; emotion and imagery. Then if you wish to remove the rhyme scheme, but do not let it be the focus whilst your writing.

i'd expect a poem based on personal experience to be obvious without being told, and it didn't come across as one. Try and recapture the emotion from the time, and write through this emotion as i think it will make the poem so much stronger.

Overall it was okay, but it could do with a bit of work, but if said work was done i think it'd be amazing.
I'd comment on grammar, but i can't use it correctly myself.

If you have any questions leave me a message and i'll help

~Retro Disco666

Oh, I like this
I like the title. It's very nice. It's simple and un-complicated, but I feel it fits in with the poem perfectly because of obvious reasons.
The poem was also good. The rhymes didn't sound forced, but I thought the second stanza one was a little :/. Only a teeny bit though, nothing big.
Yeah, so not much else I can say, but I really liked it

I didn't have the chance to read your other poems, but your rhyming scheme seems forced to me as well. You know what? Just get rid of it! Poetry is more than rhymes... and I've read so many beautiful poems that don't have rhyme at all.

My suggestion is that you should re-write this, and then think of rhyming words. Rhyme should come the last. It's a pity, because you have a strong concept behind your poem.

Hii, Demoness checking in to see what you have to say!

Overall I think this was a great poem. It wasn't very deep or complicated - the opposite really, very simple and plain and sometimes that's dull but other times it's pretty great. Someone said the rhyming scheme sounds a bit forced and unfortuantely I must agree a bit on that part... A thumbs up for managing the structure though, nice stanzas and all!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

To begin with, even before I read your spoiler, I knew what this poem was about. It seems that you, like most people in this world, put up a facade out of fear of not being liked.

Anyway, I do have a problem with the flow of your poem. I don't really know how to describe it, except for forced, like you were trying too hard to make it flow.

I would suggest just writing without having that notion in your mind at first, and then go back and give it some tweaking if the poem needs it.

I would say that overall I enjoyed this poem, but it wasn't very memorable.


I am the Princess of Evil! Now, kneel at my feet you fools!

Appearances are 'over rated.'
So why do I still care?
Everyones opinions,
everyones stares.

I've changed myself,
more than I should.
It brings back memories
of my childhood.

They made me cry
from all the fear.
What will they do next,
what will appear?

I've been down that road
of bullies and self hurt.
I wish I went back
to give me comfort.

But now I have;
to face my fears
to face the bullies,
and stop the tears.

It's well over due,
I do have to say.
To stop what I dreaded,
i've waited for this day!

A couple of things that I'd like to point out:
First: You wrote oppinions are 'overrated' There should be semi colins where it says 'overrated' instead of apostraphies.
Second thing: you wrote i've waited for this day, and forgot to capitalise the "I" in "I've.
And that's about it!

This was a very very very very beautifuly written poem, and I'd love to hear an extension of it. Like as if you turned it into a novel about life and apearences or something, you know?
I really enjoyed reading this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep up your awesome writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought this was good..except for the last line.