Let's keep moving

5 posts
User avatar
paperbackheart
Gender Female
Points 1022
Reviews 139
Sat Jul 09, 2011 6:49 am
paperbackheart says... · Sat Jul 09, 2011 6:49 am
Smile.
Through the tears.
Through the lies.
Smile.
Through the fear.
Through the sighs.
Smile.
Through the hate.
Though it's fake.
Smile.

There are better days.

You want to scream.
You want to cry.
You want to give up.
You want to die.

Stop.

Let's keep moving.

You're stuck in the spiral
going down, down, down.
All you think about is
crashing to the ground.

Stop.

Let's keep moving.

There are lies in the world.
A fake girl with a pretty smile.
Your eyes are not fine.
You're screaming and no one hears.

Stop.

Let's keep moving.

There are always better days.
So let's stop and keep moving.
Forget today, let's stay alive.

A/N: Written for a friend, thought I'd share this.
There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. -Anonymous.
Quote




User avatar
greenlightning
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 1
Sat Jul 09, 2011 7:43 am
greenlightning says... · Sat Jul 09, 2011 7:43 am
Thank you so much for sharing this; because one, I can totally relate to this poem, whatever your friend might be experiencing I think I might have the same feeling, and second, it's extremely beautiful. I couldn't find anything wrong with it. It's quite emotional and intense. :)
Hello, I'm greenlightning. No, I'm kidding. My name's Kristine... Or is it?
http://kristinethemad.tumblr.com & http://twitter.com/kristinethemad
Yes, my name is Kristine. Nice to meet you, by the way. :)
Quote




User avatar
AlfredSymon
Gender Male
Points 25520
Reviews 308
Sat Jul 09, 2011 8:05 am
AlfredSymon says... · Sat Jul 09, 2011 8:05 am
I really love your intention to write a poem to a friend...

I also liked your idea of happiness...

The poem made me realize many things.

I don't care about giving any critiques this time because the piece really touched me.

Speechlessly,
Al
Need some feed? Then read some! Take a look at today's Squills at In the News.

The Tatterdemalion takes a tattle!

"Stories are like yarn; just hold on to the tip and let the ball roll away"
Quote




User avatar
Butterfinger
Gender Female
Points 2830
Reviews 114
Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:51 am
Butterfinger says... · Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:51 am
Wow, this poem really hit home. It reads like prose with the dead in rhyming and set up of the whole piece. I seriously don't have any critique nit picks at all, no grammar mistakes, no flow issues, or word choice suggestions. The lay out is brilliant- reads so smoothly it's like a sonnet of sorts- like it could be so much longer and still be perfect. I'd suggest only this: share it with your friend. There's no telling the impact it could have. I've written pieces for people I'm close to and even though there's hesitation to share it- when I do- I feel relieved because it's true emotions and personal messages that as writers- come best out on paper. I hope this makes sense! I absolutely love your writing!!! Never ever stop!
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.

I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.
Quote




User avatar
WRITINGNEON
Gender Female
Points 1066
Reviews 27
Sun Jul 31, 2011 9:14 pm
WRITINGNEON says... · Sun Jul 31, 2011 9:14 pm
i like it but you use through to much. I know thats the point i just dont favor it.
Other than it is awesome!!!
we stitch these wounds
Quote

5 posts


There are those who say that life is like a book, with chapters for each event in your life and a limited number of pages on which you can spend your time. But I prefer to think that a book is like a life, particularly a good one, which is well to worth staying up all night to finish.
— Lemony Snicket