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(This is my first post here, hi! I don't know how you guys work around here, but I just decided to post this to get some sort of feedback? I wrote this well over a year ago, for a creative writing class I had been taking at the time... But I always kind of liked it a little.)

Sitting alone, wasting away on the bombarded city streets,
Broken dreams, and lost hopes litter the ground,
The stark stench of failure fills the air.
Innocent bodies hang from sinful nooses,
Others draped lifelessly over their own smoking gun, and their once prized nostalgic possessions.
Pure souls lost to the world, due to circumstances beyond their control.
In this city, all faint hints of sincerity and passion, are an easily illustrated illusion.
Loneliness is bliss, bitterness is welcomed, and self-loathing is the ultimate satisfaction.
I was left here to coexist with the sinners and recluses, beginning to fall in sync with their routine.
You appeared from what seemed like nowhere, looking ragged, like the lost cause you've become.
I could sense integrity in your stance, in your confidence.
Your false sense of pride, in that clinching moment, was heartwarming.
I had misplaced words that leaked from your heart ages before now, believing your heart had won the war this time.
I had forgotten how badly wounded you left me, how crippled you left my soul.
But your appearance now, was anything but a sham,
Your presence was no fabrication of love.
You picked me up from the hopeless state I was conforming into.
You saved me from becoming a drone nonetheless, like the others.
I couldn't imagine that just the slightest brush of your hand, to my skin, could shake me so awake.
As your skin fell against mine, so delicately, my bleak world of grey, began to saturate to colors I can only faintly recall.
As your arms pulled me in, your heart swallowed me whole,
I never thought I’d be able to feel alive again.
You tilted your head down, and despite of all the bystanders glancing and glaring,
You held tightly onto my hands, as strong as you held your word,
You whispered so slowly, to the point where my heart could burst at the seams, your voice soothing like a fire,
Your eyes exposed the emotion that truthfully, the words you were about to speak were sincere:
“Darling, I'll never let you go."
As these words dripped from your mouth, I couldn't help but hear your heart beat in tune with mine.
We collapsed, and molded together in a warm embrace,two parts forming a whole.
Finally, we were one.
"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful."




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"As your arms pulled me in, your hear swallowed me whole" this is one of my favorite lines from this piece of work!! Clever word-play!!
I like the general idea of this poem and it really stirred some emotions i have about people in suffering, particularly, the homeless. I'm reading The Street Lawyer by John Gisham at the moment and this poem has touched my heart just as the novel has.

Keep writing nomatter what.




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Wow! This is an amazingly deep poem, and it shows true emotions. I love your descriptive words in the first part, especially this:

oldgypsywoman wrote:Loneliness is bliss, bitterness is welcomed, and self-loathing is the ultimate satisfaction.


Wonderful imagery. I cannot see any faults, but I got wrapped up in your poem it was hard to look for any! Please keep writing or I'll hunt after you! My favourite line was:

oldgypsywoman wrote:As these words dripped from your mouth, I couldn't help but hear your heart beat in tune with mine.


I loved your description and the word dripped fills in perfectly there. Keep writing! An amazing job!
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015




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itting alone, wasting away on the bombarded city streets,
Broken dreams, and lost hopes litter the ground,
The stark stench of failure fills the air.
Innocent bodies hang from sinful nooses,
Others draped lifelessly over their own smoking gun, and their once prized nostalgic possessions.
Pure souls lost to the world, due to circumstances beyond their control.

In this city, all faint hints of sincerity and passion, are an easily illustrated illusion.
Loneliness is bliss, bitterness is welcomed, and self-loathing is the ultimate satisfaction.
I was left here to coexist with the sinners and recluses, beginning to fall in sync with their routine.
You appeared from what seemed like nowhere, looking ragged, like the lost cause you've become.
I could sense integrity in your stance, in your confidence.
Your false sense of pride, in that clinching moment, was heartwarming.
I had misplaced words that leaked from your heart ages before now, believing your heart had won the war this time.

I had forgotten how badly wounded you left me, how crippled you left my soul.
But your appearance now, was anything but a sham,
Your presence was no fabrication of love.
You picked me up from the hopeless state I was conforming into.
You saved me from becoming a drone nonetheless, like the others.

I couldn't imagine that just the slightest brush of your hand, to my skin, could shake me so awake.
As your skin fell against mine, so delicately, my bleak world of grey, began to saturate to colors I can only faintly recall.
As your arms pulled me in, your heart swallowed me whole,
I never thought I’d be able to feel alive again.
You tilted your head down, and despite of all the bystanders glancing and glaring,
You held tightly onto my hands, as strong as you held your word,
You whispered so slowly, to the point where my heart could burst at the seams, your voice soothing like a fire,
Your eyes exposed the emotion that truthfully, the words you were about to speak were sincere:
“Darling, I'll never let you go."
As these words dripped from your mouth, I couldn't help but hear your heart beat in tune with mine.
We collapsed, and molded together in a warm embrace,two parts forming a whole.
Finally, we were one.


Apart from suggesting you to divide this beautiful poem into at least four parts... I really can't say anything else about it. I'm in awe, truly. You have a great piece of literature here. Well done!
Julie, a sucker for romance, historical fashion, medieval fairs and blues music. Add photography and you already know me 50%. The rest of me you'll discover through my writings and my photos.

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