Leave

I laugh at your jokes
I talk to you all the time
heck, go ahead and flirt
but I ain't gonna let you come in close

You complain, you beg
"Don't you have a heart in your chest?
Don't you have a soul that listens?
Where the hell are your feelings?"

Seriously?
heart, feelings?
I ain't got no heart
I ain't got no feelings
My soul has been ripped apart from my body
my feelings crushed
my heart stabbed by lies
all emotion drained out
by a single blow

So don't talk to me about feeling
and don't try to come in close
cause i ain't gonna let you in
just take your lies and go....

Hey july4ruby!:)

I think this is a topic which a lot of young people will be able to relate to. It's a painful topic, of course, and probably one that is very close to you. I think that the trouble with writing a poem that expresses your own feelings too much is that it has a tendency to read more like a diary entry rather than a poem. I think it's great that you try to express your emotions through poetry and it's a really good starting point to try and portray emotions as honestly as you can but I think you can improve on using more poetic language when you write.

By poetic language I mean that you have to work at making this piece more vivid. At the moment the metaphors that are used in the poem are too weak because they're cliche. Bringing in some new metaphors to describe this all too familiar feeling will really help this poem.

This poem also feels very vague for me. I think you intended for it to sound like an answer to someone, something said perhaps, in the middle of an argument. There's an underlying story to it, which I find intriguing. The things is I think you left it too bare in this poem. I see that there's a conflict between the characters in this poem but you gave too little details in order for me to grasp that story even a little. You talk about being hurt, but it's really hard to understand what you are hurt for.

I think this has potential. I admire any writer that tries to paint emotions. It's a difficult task to not make something really personal sound a little rant-y or diary entry like.

Hope this helped. I'd love to read more from you.

--Nixie

This threw me off a little. At the beginning you seemed pretty friendly with whoever you were talking to but at the end it switched almost to hate. I think you might want to expand it a little, explain some more. I really do like your style though. This wasn't as "poetic" as most poems. It seemed more like you were actually talking to someone. I prefer these to other poems because they are easier to relate to. I think this particular style is more modern. I do like your idea, I grasped a basic concept, but I was left without enough details to really satisfy you know? I hope it doesn't seem like i don't like it, I do it just needs some work.

Always, Panda.

Sounds just like any teenaged girl or adult woman who thinks they're all that and acts like a complete b**** to everyone else especially guys who try to ask them out.