Old, Yet New

6 posts
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Gender Male
Points 1322
Reviews 41
*I have written this poem to describe how I feel people would react, if I told them my secret.. PM me to know*

Why do you stare?
You don't even care.
Why am I strange?
You want me to change?

I stand before you,
Radiate anew.
I may not be whole,
But that's not my goal.

How am I odd?
Not like you are god.
How am I seen,
If I'm so unclean?
.We don't exist.




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Gender Female
Points 1369
Reviews 23
Very emotional! I liked how I could pick out the rhythm as soon as I started in on it. It's very mysterious, and I've read it over like five times, and I still don't know exactly what you're talking about. I'd love to know what it's about! I also like the rhyme scheme; it's over-used, but you made it pretty intelligible. I love it. Great job!




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Gender Female
Points 28282
Reviews 884
Well this was pretty good, but the real problem I had with this was that I just never felt like it completely came full-circle in what it was trying to say. Honestly I think this was a situation where the rhyme scheme was restricting you from completely letting out everything you had to say, because you condensed it into rhyming couplets. It just made it seem a little sing-songy and caused it to lose some of its force. All the same, I felt like this was a decent poem, and I like the topic.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1322
Reviews 41
Thank you very much! It's always encouraging to hear praise. If you liked this as much as you claim, then I suggest looking at my other works.

EDIT:
StoryWeaver: Thank you for your input, I'll keep that thought in mind next time.
.We don't exist.




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 713
Reviews 21
I love the rhythm in this poem its just so easy to read and I love the use of questions, make you think and actually wonder whats behind it, you dont give a lot away but I think that makes it easier to relate to. I really like this, good job :)




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Gender Male
Points 1322
Reviews 41
Thanks Kattie! As you can see, I worked to keep the same rhythm here.
.We don't exist.



Human minds are more full of mysteries than any written book and more changeable than the cloud shapes in the air.
— Louisa May Alcott