Most of all

Most of all

I like driving,

Alone at night,
With the radio off and no seat belt,
And if the moon is bright,
No headlights either,
And inside that windshield sealed vacuum
I float through my eyes
Over elbows and arms, buttons and pedals,
Rougher surfaces,
Without the weight of words
Because words do not float,
And even though they were coiled
Around me without consideration
Sometimes I know,
That I can slip free
As junkies slip free,
Pushed from their own veins
Over burning bridges,
But not to fall away,
Because every hit realizes
That all roads end,
And each morning knows
The sun always rises.

I like the last line. I think you should break it up into stanzas, to make it more readable. Some of it was confusing, but most of it was good. Good job, not having any grammer/spelling mistakes. Here at YWS, we take grammer and spelling very seriously. Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it, and can't wait to review more of your work. PM me if you have any questions, or anything.

pletta wrote:Most of all

I like driving,

Alone at night,
With the radio off and no seat belt,
And if the moon is bright, I feel this line lessens the effect. I feel like the narrator shouldn't care if the moons bright.
No headlights either,
And inside that windshield sealed vacuum I like the subtle rhyme here...
I float through my eyes
Over elbows and arms, buttons and pedals,
Rougher surfaces,
Without the weight of words
Because words do not float,
And even though they were coiled
Around me without consideration; A semi-colon or something would give a good pause here.
Sometimes I know,
That I can slip free
As junkies slip free,
Pushed from their own veins
Over burning bridges,
But not to fall away,
Because every hit realizes
That all roads end, I think your poem would end strongly at this line here. The following two lines sound cliche and like the end of some riddle.
And each morning knows
The sun always rises.

I can tell you're new because you're writing is fresh. Welcome to YWS!

I like driving too! I think you did well with the initial one-line stanzas that turn into and contrast this long-winded monologue. The poem captures a surrealism that works as you tie the poem to drug-themes, and it makes me think of Harold and Maude for some reason, when you mention the driving. The poem almost has a simplicity, but in a delightful and relatable way. When you described floating through your eyes I felt it, and it really jives with the carelessly speeding car. Spelling and grammar checks out with me. Cool poem.

Wow, I like the freedom of your poem. And though I can't drive I often ride with my seat belt off. I love the descriptive words in your poem!! Keep writing!!