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Days pass, Time flies.
Flowers bloom, Flowers rot
Children smile, Children cry, Children sigh…

People come, People go
Lights go on, Lights go out
Birds fly north, Birds fly east…

Mist in the skies,
Rain in the clouds,
Still sunshine breaks through…

Far far away, not so close
There’s the place where happiness flows
Hard to find
It’s a place one of a kind,
But you’ll get there…
Just don’t ask when and where
Cause life is a game that needs to be played fair and square.
Last edited by Chandni on Fri Dec 02, 2005 5:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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I don't think its dramatic but i really liked it. I think it fits Lyrical poetry more. But Good work. :D
Real poetry are those with the best words in the best order

~~~~~~~~Mandy~~~~~~~~~




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The first two stanzas were pretty predictable. Those are the kind of lines that belong in one of those pop songs. The third stanza reminded me of Howie Day, and the last stanza was great which is good because you redeemed yourself. Only thing is, there's no need for "Cuz." It could have easily been " 'Cause." Much more fitting.

Chevy's Critiquing Scale
far left colon - not so great
far right colon - excellent

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when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.



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