Fairies

Fairies

Fairies flutter and flow above each cloud
Their hearts are golden, they are proud
They follow the trail of the saffron sun
As it begins to slip beneath the day that’s done

Giggling and laughing, their spirits high
Each fairy pairs with another, with no sigh
The sun is gone, replaced by the moon
But they don’t worry, night is soon

Dancing in the moon’s blanket of light
Silent and wary, they hide in the night
Wings of silk and hair like spun gold
They are immortal and never age old

The great old oak stands tall and loyal
A home they planted from the earth, the soil
Every fairy finds its home
Not one youngling is found at roam

The younglings are tucked, snug in their beds
They dream of the day gone by in their heads
The mothers take rest, the night is here
The fathers leave, their jobs are near

Each woman has spent their day
Collecting the harvest for their pay
The men, however, fly at night
They get ready for the big fight

Protectors, they are, guarding their home
But for every few fairies there is a tomb
The bats, they come, screeching and yelling
Who will win this war, there is no telling

Into the valley, the forces collide
It seems they could have possibly tied
But wait, the fairies, they are glowing
The bats, they screech, there is no knowing

And there it is, the sun so bright
But the fairies stand in its light
The Fairies are unaffected by the suns ray
But for the bats, they must stay at bay

The bats are in pain as they bubble and boil
But the fairies have won after their hard toil
The tired men recede from the long affray
And women and children wake, for it's another day

This. Was. Awesome. I only have a couple things to say.

"Giggling and laughing, their spirits high
Each fairy pairs with another, with no sigh"
In the second line here, I feel that it loses rhythm. Maybe say something like "Each fairy pars with another, hearing no sigh"?

"Protectors, they are, guarding their home
But for every few fairies there is a tomb"
And this is the only stanza that doesn't follow the rhyme scheme o-o

I don't have much criticism for this piece, I loved it.

The words are descriptive. I like your structure and your general pace of the poem. I feel that at times I find myself losing the rhythm a little bit but that's only near the end. I am not really fond of you spacing every two lines- it could work with 4 lines each paragraph. Apart from that, it is a good start. Keep it up.

I love the imagery, that's the best part. But some of the rhymes could have been a little better. like, some of them seemed obvious. For instance sun, done, and day and pay. But I really love the others, like loyal and soil, I expected you to say boil. Hahaha, well I loved this poem. That's exactly what I imagined fairies lives to be...

Hello Skittles,

This was really good and you used imagery as a language feature very effectively. I personally think this was a really good poem that told the story really well. I loved the descriptive language and you made such a strange topic very mysteriously interesting and it was a very different twist on the typical fairy that everyone develops ideas about. I do think though, you could have expanded upon this a bit more than you really did, it was very simplistic and I think you could have taken it one step further. Anyway here are a few pointers.

Your rhyming in this poem is excellent it's just I would suggest you changing where you position the rhyming words so that it looks something like this.

First line first original rhyming word,
Second line second original rhyming word.
Third line pair for the first original rhyming word,
Fourth line pair for the second original rhyming word.

This technique obviously wouldn't work for this poem now, but it is just a tip for next time you write a poem that uses rhyming because it usually has a better flow.

This poem also has a really nice flow and great structure but the last line appears longer than all the othe rlines and I think it would be better if you shortened this because it sticks out awkwardly against the rest of the poem and I think it would be neater if you just tidied up that part so that it looks more flowing and better portioned. Other than that little nit pick I think this poem has a really good structure.

My favorite part of your poem was this part here, simply because it was so beautiful and descriptive and enlightening. I also love the pure ebauty of it, generally all the other parts in the poem were flawless like this part, I just liked this part especially.

They follow the trail of the saffron sun
As it begins to slip beneath the day that’s done

Overall this was an excellent poem and I have to say I struggled to find any flaws in this. It was a pleasure to read and I enjoyed reviewing this for you. If you wish for a review on any more of your poems I would be happy to write another one for you, just PM me and I'm sure I can arrange something for you. Well done on this, it was remarkable and I love your incredible style of writing.

From DreamingForever