Crimson love

A sea of red
before mine eyes.
Crashing waves
fall over my head.
Hand gripping,
grabbing,
pulling,
tugging me under.
Choking me
in your grasp.

Falling faster
Breathing faster
Beating faster

Screams hidden
under waves of crimson.
Locked away
for only you to hear.

My love, my life.
My love, my LIFE!

A/N: Done.

This is really interesting...I'm guessing that she/he is speaking of their boy/girlfriend and the obviously wild love they share? It's good. I like it.

This was very interesting. I liked it. It seems like you have a lot of emotion behind this, but it doesn't really come through on the paper very well.

A sea of red
before mine eyes. [Mine? I think 'my' would work just fine]
Crashing waves
fall over my head. [I think you can come up with a more powerful, meaningful word than 'fall' It seems just a little weak here.]
Hand gripping,
grabbing,
pulling,
tugging me under.
Choking me
in your grasp.

Falling faster
Breathing faster
Beating faster [This stanza just seems a little choppy to me]

Screams hidden
under waves of crimson.
Locked away
for only you to hear.

My love, my life.
My love, my LIFE! [I guess this is an okay way to end a poem. To me, though it sounds a little... ]

Okay, so I think overall you did a really good job on this. I didn't really get what it was supposed to be about...? A sea of red and waves of crimson make me think lots of blood, but then it also seems like a love poem. It just got me a little confused as to the point. Anyway, great work!
~Tayla

Tayla covered most of what I wanted to point out. (i.e. "Mine" "fall over my head" and the repetition of "faster")

I like where you're going with this. I just want to point out what I think sounded off to me.

Like "Hand grabbing"? Maybe you're trying to say it's one person? But you could make it "Hands" because either way, one person does have two hands. It makes more sense when you add in "gripping, grabbing, pulling, tugging" because it just seems like that's a lot of action for one hand. I also think you could nix "tugging." It's not a very strong word, it's almost gentile, and you've already reiterated your point three times. It doesn't need the forth one.

I didn't like the repitition of "My love, MY LIFE!" The first time you say it gets the point accross just fine.

Overall, it's a good start. I think you could make this poem SAY a lot more than what you are. But I like it. It makes me think of a woman in an abusive relationship because she's suffocating under him, and then the red, crimson would stand for physical violence, but he's still her love and her life. Don't know if I'm anywhere close. XD

Good job and good luck!
-Lindsay

Personally, I like your use of "mine" in the first stanza; like an old poem. Butbecause none of it aside from that is set in the same form, it just sounds out of place.

Like everyone else however, I don't really understand your metaphors and it sounds a little jumpy in places.

The imagery makes up for the misunderstandings some, it's great imagery, the poem's just that confusing to me.

As a whole, it conveyed plenty of emotion and imagery (as I've said) and I enjoyed reading it.