Perfect

Yet another late night (well now very early morning) poem. Oh dear. >.<

You may have the perfect hair,
You may have the teeth,
You might have the perfect air
And grace, but I know what lies beneath.

You may have the perfect skin,
You may have the perfect nose,
You might have the perfect thin
Body, but I know all your woes.

Babe, sit down and listen. You can look at me and sneer.
Your eyes might gleam and glisten, but I know they’re with your tears.
Babe, don’t try to walk away. Because you’re just too ‘cool’.
You might be brilliant at ballet, but I know that you’re a tool.

You may have the perfect looks,
You may have the perfect guy,
You may have a million facebook
Friends, but I know that your life’s a lie.

You’re blonde, you’re tall, you’re a size two.
You’re smile is just divine.
But the truth is; no one likes you.
Because all you do is whine.

You whinge about your lover.
You backchat all your friends.
It’s time for you to discover.
That it’s too late to make amends.

I’m not beautiful, I know.
I’m not every boy’s dream.
But, geez, I’m glad that I’m not you.
The thought would make me scream.

Scathing, in a hauntingly good way. A way that made me want to shout and say that YES nobody likes you, you perfect beanpole.
Then I remembered that I'm a guy. I'm supposed to like those perfect beanpoles, right?
Loved your use of enjambments for the words "grace," "body," and "friends." So smart.

Only two parts sounded a little awkward to me, these two lines

You might be brilliant at ballet, but I know that you’re a tool.

but I know that you're a tool. Reading it in my head, I got caught up and compared to the rest of the poem it sounded a little clumsy.

Friends, but I know that your life’s a lie.

A matter of taste, it might be, but I thought that "that" wasn't needed here, depending on how you read the line.

Still minor nit-picking. I loved the feel of this poem. A stirring rant. Great job!

Really good poem! I agree with the previous comment, but other than those points, I thought it was amazing! And so true. I was impressed of how smoothly everything flowed. There are very few parts that seem like they don't fit. You word choice is good, and your rhyming was next to Perfect (haha). My favorite stanza was the last. I don't know if you want to change it, because it would ruin the pattern, but you might want to take off the last line. So it would look like this:

I’m not beautiful, I know.
I’m not every boy’s dream.
But, geez, I’m glad that I’m not you.

Like I said, that would ruin your rhyming, so you may want to just leave it. Otherwise, great job!

Hi!

Well, I think that this is a really good poem. The flow was really good for most of it (I did get choked up on some lines though, I'll talk about that later, although it's highly possible that it's just me). The rhyming was pristine. Very good poem.

Now onto the lines, that didn't flow so well, in my opinion:

You may have the perfect nose,
You might have the perfect thin
Body, but I know all your woes.

I got a bit confused there on the second line with the perfect thin body part and all that. Since all of your previous lines ended perfectly at the end of the line, but with this line it continues onto the line below. Which sort of destroys the rhythm a bit for me. I was also a bit confused because that wasn't what I was expecting. It also choked me up a little.

If I were you, I'd change the word 'thin' to something else. Something like grin maybe? And get rid of the 'body'. That's just a suggestion, though.

I also noticed that you did that in stanza four. With the facebook friends part. For me, those type of lines rather choke up the flow a bit, because they're a little bit different and unexpected. But I don't think that that's too much of a problem. Just messes the flow up a little.

Overall, I think that this is a really good poem. With really good rhyme. I also like the story that was in there. I think that a lot of people can relate to that. Although, I think that there's some lines that could be improved a bit. But all in all, a very good poem.

Hello, I am going to review your work today.
Red- corrections/errors/opinions

You may have the perfect hair,
You may have the teeth,
You might have the perfect air
And grace, but I know what lies beneath. I don't think you needed the 'and grace' part because it didnt really give it a good flow.

You may have the perfect skin,
You may have the perfect nose,
You might have the perfect thin
Body, but I know all your woes. I don't think that the thin body should be on different lines as that made the poem not flow very well, although you did it to rhyme, sometimes these things overcome the rhymes.

Babe, sit down and listen. You can look at me and sneer.
Your eyes might gleam and glisten, but I know they’re with your tears.
Babe, don’t try to walk away. Because you’re just too ‘cool’.
You might be brilliant at ballet, but I know that you’re a tool. This stanza was a lot better.

You may have the perfect looks,
You may have the perfect guy,
You may have a million facebook
Friends, but I know that your life’s a lie. Again, facebook and friends should be on the same line.

You’re blonde, you’re tall, you’re a size two.
You’re smile is just divine.
But the truth is; no one likes you.
Because all you do is whine.

You whinge about your lover.
You backchat all your friends.
It’s time for you to discover.
That it’s too late to make amends.

I’m not beautiful, I know.
I’m not every boy’s dream.
But, geez, I’m glad that I’m not you.
The thought would make me scream.
To me, you have this thought or opinion about this specific person and you say how she is pretty etc. and you're not. Although you may have this opinionm[color=#FF0000You may have the perfect hair,
You may have the teeth,
You might have the perfect air
And grace, but I know what lies beneath.

You may have the perfect skin,
You may have the perfect nose,
You might have the perfect thin
Body, but I know all your woes.

Babe, sit down and listen. You can look at me and sneer.
Your eyes might gleam and glisten, but I know they’re with your tears.
Babe, don’t try to walk away. Because you’re just too ‘cool’.
You might be brilliant at ballet, but I know that you’re a tool.

You may have the perfect looks,
You may have the perfect guy,
You may have a million facebook
Friends, but I know that your life’s a lie.

You’re blonde, you’re tall, you’re a size two.
You’re smile is just divine.
But the truth is; no one likes you.
Because all you do is whine.

You whinge about your lover.
You backchat all your friends.
It’s time for you to discover.
That it’s too late to make amends.

I’m not beautiful, I know.
I’m not every boy’s dream.
But, geez, I’m glad that I’m not you.
The thought would make me scream.
This kind of reminds me of two people at my school. The less pretty one (in this case is you) doesn't like the pretty girl because she just whines etc. but there are two sides for every story. You may say that you wouldn't want to be her and you are higher then her, but she may have the same opinion about you. So when I read poems like this I don't feel like this is a proper poem, I feel as if this is a way to complain and whine about the girl you are talking about.


Good work though, keep it up!
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woops, ignore the extra poem in the middle which is red.. i may have accidently pasted it twice :S

That was a good one. I found the rhymes to be perfect and meaningful. The poem as a whole was very strong and confident. Especially, I liked the last two stanzas. And the the third stanza could actually have been separated into two, which would have matched the rhyme scheme of the entire poem, e.i alternate rhymes. Good work as a whole.