The first time I met you, I was walking to school. I think I was a sophomore in high school, then. I was taking the short cut through the woods when I saw you crying underneath a huge pine tree. I remembered thinking, “Who is she? I haven’t seen her before.” I think I was worried about you so I walked to where you were crying and sat down next to you.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
Your hands still covered her face and you said, “I, I, I ran away.”
I must of looked surprised because you continued, “I thought that they didn’t love me. So I came here and no one loves me here.”
“I’m not following your story,” I replied.
“My foster parents, I ran away from them. This is where I used to live before the accident, but I have no where to go.”
Your eyes turned to me, they were glassy and you said, “Please will you love me? It may only be for a short while, until I find someone else, but please, just to set my nerves at ease.”
“Um, well—“ I began to say but them you cut me off as you pressed your lips against mine.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself, I’m Elise.” You said looking at the ground.
“Um. I’m Chase. It’s nice to meet you.” I replied. Your hair was about to your shoulders then. Your eyes were pastel blue and they glistened.
§
I smiled at the memory as I lied in bed alone in New York City. I missed Elise so much. We were inseparable; we were together until I went to college. We were together since we met in the woods that day. It was the best day of my life. But I let her go, I don’t know why, because when I came back she was gone. I looked for her every where. I even tried to find her on social networks, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t surprised; she never did what everyone else did. She was odd like that; it’s what I like about her.
All I have now is the memories of Elise when we were kids. She was my age, only three days younger than me. We would be twenty five now. The memories were beginning to fade and I hated it. I needed to find her but how could I? She probably hates me now.
Even if I found her, what would I do?
I stood up and walked out to the balcony and sat down on the small chair and let the morning breeze blow through me.
If I found her, would she even remember me? I had no idea what she would think of me, and that’s what scared me more than anything. If she rejected me, I would die, because she was the best part of me. She was the sun that brought light into my dark sea. She had the power to make me smile and that’s more than anyone else had.
The wishes and dreams we shared bound us together like glue. But it wasn’t strong enough to keep me from leaving. The adhesive wasn’t prepared to survive. Our love for each other wasn’t enough.
Our love was something not many people in the world had. I knew from the moment her lips touched mine, we were meant to be together.
Sometimes, I question myself. Was it just a high school fling? Was it not real? But I know the answers because of the look on our faces whenever we saw each other.
If what I had with Elise wasn’t love, than I don’t know what is. A part of me wants to run to her and another part of me wants her to run to me. It’s the way we work, now I have a girlfriend and she’s not Elise, no one is except Elise. No one compares to her. I still love my her but what we have is not what Elise and I had.
Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, must of blessed our love then cursed it. Because this is not the way I wanted things to turn out. I imagined us getting married and raising children, and growing old together but now, I may never see her again.
When children grow up, they look back on there life and say, ‘I wish I would of done this or said that.’ They regret it, and everyone feels this to some extent, but what I regret most is leaving her. I was her hopes and dreams as she was for me.
I really can’t move on without her, but I’ve been doing it for years.
The feelings we shared were a thing of the past, and I needed to move on.
But how could I forget her.
People dream about soul mates, and I never even had to look that far, until I let her go.
I love her so much, I know that. But I left her, I shouldn't be trying to find her, it wouldn't be right. I need to move on. Elise. I love you so much.
I’m sorry, Elise. You’ll always be in my heart, but I think it’s time I made room for more, you’ll understand, right?
