Cherry Stems x

Spoiler

Insanely bored, so the idea was to come up with a random title and then create a poem where each line started with the corresponding word, like the first line "C", the next "H," etc., so it's not very good, but I didn't really want to delete it or keep it cluttered on my computer. So, tear it apart. XD

Cherries wash red blood on vanilla icecream, red berries ravaged after being plucked off of stems.
He stared at his, rolled it in his fingers. “She could tie a cherry stem in her mouth,” he says.
Even double-chocolate and vanilla scooped can’t take away the melancholy flavor,
Racking us with self-pity if only we didn’t have the other to feel so sorry for.
Really, we are utterly pathetic, sitting on the couch so miserably.
“You know she isn’t everything,” I remind him. He nods dubiously.

Silence cuts the room to slices and segments, until the couch is divided too,
Tang natural on one side, the other sugared and sweet.
Ever the optimist, I only hope to be the sweeter side.
My heart is devoured faster than a sundae, but the stem knots on my tongue,
Silently reminding him that she is not the only one, as I reveal it in my hand.

Actually, I really liked it! Of course, the title is intriguing just by itself, what with the implications of cherry stems... And I like how the cherry stem tied in a not is not just the way it normally is - I like how it symbolizes other things. His old girlfriend and the fact that there are other girls out there too, girls like she was but better. And I loved the keeping of the cherry metaphor in having the couch divided into a "tart" side and a "sweet" side.

The only suggestion I'd possibly make is cutting up the lines more; they tend to read like a story more than a poem, at least in the first stanza - but then that would ruin having "cherry stems" spelled down the side, so I don't know.

Great job!

~Blue

Though you may not think so, I thought this was a veryyyyyyyyy good piece. I enjoyed how each sentence began with the next letter in "cherry stems". I felt that you could sense the sort of jealousy that the MC felt. I could also see how she wanted to match everything this other girl did. I understood where she was coming from also. that position is well known to me. but overall very good. No grammatical errors stood out to me. So keep writing, I like your technique of finding your title first and building the poem around it. Amazing.
Great Job!
Keep Writing.

I really like it, it's really sweet. I think, though, that in the first line, you should take out one of the "red"s because you have two of them. It's way better than any acrostic poem I've written, that's for sure. That's what it's called by the way, acrostic. I agree that you could fill the jealousy the MC felt, and I liked that. Good job!
-tgirly