Dreams fade

Light abandons me.
It first burned itself into
memory, then turned and ran.

No reason to rhyme.
Pointless repetitions fall,
endless drums beat to insane.

The shadow of sun.
It is far in the distance,
but I am blinded by it.

The static surrounds,
pressing into the future,
like a knife held to my throat.

A deep breath can't hold.
The air can't be held by lungs,
it resists through the shadows.

Surrounded by flames.
I am just a leaf floating,
scorched and choking on the smoke.

Can't reach the surface.
The light dances in the air,
taunting me with it's freedom.

The chain is too strong.
Unable to free myself,
forced to sink down forever.

Very good poem. You have a great way of describing specific elements and that works really well for your poem. However, on first glance readers may not be ready to read it because it is in one long paragraph. So I suggest separating the paragraph into sub paragraphs, to make it a bit easier to read. Overall, great poem. Keep up the good work.

This was great! I loved it, and only found one nitpick:

Pointless repetitions beat,
endless drums beat to insane.

I think it would work better if you didn't have the word beat used twice so close together. Other than that, it was great and I have no complaints.

Hi BelarusBirdy,

Basically the equivalent of splashing around in a pool of water while screaming really loudly. We're not really sure what's going on, but there seems to be a lot of action and things are moving and someone's in trouble!

Really, though, this is terrible. Throw it away and try something else. Preferably a poem that's clear enough to explain what is going on in the first place. I caught glimpses of shock, terror, a knife (?), death, and chains. Throwing in a cacophony of weird and interesting sounds does not create a fluid song, and this is true for any kind of literature as well. The only thing that faded here was the reader's interest after the second line.

Hope that helped,
Galerius