His and Hers

7 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 20503
Reviews 370
His hands.
Or are they mine?
Tear at my virtue,
and fondle every vice.
Until what remains is
a lesser version of himself.

His lips.
Taste like redemption—
olive sherbet with
a dash of rum, bought
at the lowest price—
my innocence,
our freedom.

His eyes.
Speak for both of us:
Nothing worthwhile is free;
seldom is it this cheap.
We discarded what god gave us
molding what was left into

Our body.
From two, we made half
Willing decay unto ourselves
Unto each other, gnawing
And clawing
Throwing around bits of

Our soul,
If you can call it as much.
A decorative piece, folded
Stuffed into a box, labeled
“to charity.”
We’ll take it out
and dust it off,
one of these days.
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.
*Le Bible
Royal Reviews Here!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1711
Reviews 103
First piece I've read on here of the sort - very powerful, deep, intimate and emotional. I applaud you for this, because it takes a lot of courage and humility to be able to post something like this. It had a good meter, it was steady, you didn't clutter it with unnecessary rhyme and in general it worked really well, so congratulations. My favourite work today, definitely.
Being children of a cruel reality, we fall prey to the greater powers.
To envy.
To madness.
Betrayal.
Love.
And yet without these things, we cannot remain human. Without these things, we are nothing.
But it is the greatest sacrifice. To envy. To be mad. To betray. To love.
To be human.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1919
Reviews 55
I liked it. Very intimate and..emotional. It took a lot of will power to put something of this sort on here and I congratulate you for that. I have no complaints. It was very intense and over all a work of art.
Writing is where I can get away...




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 300
Reviews 0
That was certainly good work. And that a 16 year old has written that, I find it surprising. Maybe you should publish your poetry some time soon. That might actually help you in your university applications and for the rest of your future. You could consider choosing this as an alternative job in your future.




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1074
Reviews 6
A very nice piece nonetheless, expresses true feelings and a picture of pairing with him and singularity as a paradox.
"seldom is it this cheap" ... May i suggest a comma after seldom so it would be like this? "seldom, is it this cheap?"
I hope i did help at least at the grammatical level.
Keep the good work :)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1057
Reviews 25
I really liked it. I didn't quite get it at first until I re-read it and then it came to me. Very emotional in a way that doesn't describe the emotion ( if that even makes sense -_- ) . Also very deep. Keep up the good work ;)
..::JASPERSKYE::..




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 336
Reviews 19
This was outstanding!! :) As many people have already told you (and many more will), it was very intimate and emotional.
It was so very creative and imaginative! I wouldn't change it!
I mean, if in the future you want to change a few words, add/remove some punctuation marks, then that's up to you.
But I personally feel, and this is only my opinion, that if you alter it, it changes what you feel when you read it or what you felt as you wrote it.
Overall, super super AWESOME!! You ABSOLUTELY should keep writing.
"Everybody stares, as she goes by
'Cause they can see the
flame that's in her eyes
Watch her when she's lighting up the night
Nobody knows that she's a lonely girl
And it's a lonely world
But she gon' let it burn
, baby,burn,baby"



'Like' and 'equal' are two entirely different things.
— Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time