Across The Ocean

A story I wrote when my heart was shattered and nothing seemed alright.

Across The Ocean

Soft music played around them as the couple hugged and slowly danced to the melody. They were in the boy’s room with nothing on but the music, dancing in the middle of the room. 

The boy’s grasp on the girl tightened as he realized that his hours with her were almost gone.

He felt her tighten her grip in return and felt wet drops drip onto his shirt. A single tear shed from his eye as he knew that time was finally up...

He broke the embrace and looked her in the eyes, letting all of his emotions flow into her. Her eyes reflected her emotions as well and the boy felt his heart get heavy. It was going to be harder to be away from each other  than they had ever thought.

“Love...” The boy thought while putting his forehead against hers. “Who would’ve ever thought that I would fall in love??”  Gently, he kissed her on the lips and just gazed into her eyes.

He felt safe, and he knew that she felt the same way. He knew that he would be lost without her since she was his only light in the darkness of life.

The girl saw the pain in his eyes and held him close. She could feel her heart breaking, just as his was. They both knew that this would happen, but neither of them thought it would hurt so badly...

A car horn sounded from outside, signaling that her ride was here. She wrapped her arms around his neck one last time, and they kissed. Time seemed to slow down around them as they're love flowed into each other. 

Another honk came from the horn. She broke the kiss and hugged him for the last time. He wrapped his arms around her and didn't move.

"I have to go," she whispered, and stepped away from him. He grabbed her hands and made her look into his eyes. Tears were on the brim of being unleashed.

"Promise me," he whispered, " Promise me that you'll be safe. That you'll let me know when you're back in Austria safely home." She nodded her head and put her forehead against his. 

"Good-bye. Please, learn to love again and take care of yourself." she said. The boy nodded and she opened the door. Glancing over her shoulder before she got into the black Nissan, she smiled weakly at him. He tried smiling back, and felt a tear shed down his face as she closed the door. 

The car started to speed away, and before he knew it she was gone...

Haven't done this in a while, so bare with me :[

Overall, I love it. It has just enough emotion to be satisfactory, and you almost want to say "No! don't go!" However, what might make it better, is to describe why she has to leave the guy. It might make it even more sad :] and maybe describe the scenery around them. Is it dark? is it a beautiful day?

That's basically it. Otherwise, this is great :]

Alright, so,

This is a good beginning, but i have to admit, it's kind of plain. Give the characters backgrounds, give more to why they are there, at that setting, at that time. I liked, however, that you kept the characters nameless, so it could apply to anyone.
Another this is that romance could get kind of tricky. One thing you have to get used to doing is putting in every type of emotion that pertains to your characters. That way, they are even more applicable to the reader.
I do enjoy this type of short story, where it seems where the reader has much more going on then a couple of simple characters.
Just work on getting a background and emotion into the story to make it even stronger

~WickedWonder

hey there

great beginning. You set up a great mood, kind of dreary, and you know something's up right away by the second group of lines.
You need to give more, though. Why was she leaving? What was the significance of her leaving him? What was the purpose of her saying

"Good-bye. Please, learn to love again and take care of yourself."

?
Don't be afraid of details; they are there, just liven them up a bit.

I know how you felt, kind of, at the top of this when you write something and your heart is shattered.. I know that all too well. But thats when the best times are to write; you pick things up better; emotions, senses, faces, the minor details that makes great stories.

I think you could do more with telling the "Behind the scenes" part to this, too. Like, HOW he fell in love with her, how they met, what she thought of him/ what he thought of her, was there a conflict between them when they met? Things like that will help build up the story better, and maybe give it more details for you to think of.

This short piece, though it may be, was very emotionally raking. You could tell there was something that was going to happen, you could "feel" some of the characters emotions, the emotions they had for each other. You showed more than you told, not a bad thing, but its to be used wisely.

Overall, you are a fantastic writer.
please write more

--Ash