Passionately

Your eyes,
as blue, yet as cold as the icy pond that lay outside.
pierce into my soul.
Your skin,
softer than the blanket that fits gently to our bodies,
lay touching mine.
Your breathing,
menacing and uneven.
And your fingers,
are intertwined with my chestnut curls,
the same as they were
the millions of times I imagined this night.

I hear you whisper,
quieter than silent,
"I love you".
This is passion.
I feel your body,
pressing itself into me.

Your lips,
calling my name.
When they meet mine,
it sends chills running through me,
making my body colder
than when I first dove into your eyes.

Only seconds later,
I feel the heat rise within me.
I get lost,
I feel trapped but I don't care.
This sense of unknowing is more than welcome.

Our clothing hits the floor
as our bodies meet the bed.
You pull me into a lavish endevour.
As the moonlight glistens off your skin,
you kiss every inch of my body.
Ending with a most gentle and humble peck on my lips.

I know little of what is happening,
but I do know,
that I have never felt this aware of your presence.
I feel the heat that is you,
pulsing back through my body.

I am waking to the sun,
shining through the open curtains,
and the smell of coffee and your cologne.

I really like this Poem.

This poem was quite interesting. The image your poem gives off is very romantic and I love your word choices. It's beautifully written. However, you made a few minor grammatical mistakes, just fix these and it'll be perfect.

-Cress

peirce me as though you can see into my soul.

*pierce

Your skin,
as soft as cloud,
lay touching mine.

*lies
You wouldn't say "Your skin lay touching mine" would you?

And your finger,
are intertwined with my chestnut curls.

Choose "fingers" or "is"

Your lips,
have never look more alluring.

*looked
It's "have looked"

[color=#FF0000]Are clothing lies on the floor. [/color]
*Our
"Are" and "Our" may sound alike, but "are" is a verb and "our" is a possessive pronoun.

Hi Lexi,
you've set a nice scene here, but I think there's a fair amount you can do to make this more effective. Let's see what we can pick out.

One of the most important things in writing is realizing that every word in a piece is valuable; everything should be there for a reason. You can't afford to have extra bits that don't particularly add to the piece, particularly in poetry, because you have so little space to achieve so much. Take a look at this:

Your eyes,
bluer than the sky and deeper than the ocean,

Does it create an image? Yes. However, it doesn't make your poem richer. The comparisons are ones that everyone has seen before, so you're missing an opportunity to personalize the poem. When you look into a boy's blue eyes, do you ever think, "Oh man, those are bluer than the sky and deeper than the ocean." Probably not (although I suppose it's possible). However you might see his eyes and be reminded of your father's or the husky that you had as a kid or the ice that forms on your car in the morning. I remember a girl in high school who had light blue eyes and I always felt like I was staring into a frozen lake when I looked at her. It was beautiful in the way that jumping into icewater knocks the wind out of your lungs and cracks your ribs. When you're in it you want to get away as soon as possible, but when you're out you want to dive back in.
Make it real. Your description shouldn't just be pretty, it should be meaningful.

pierce me as though you can see into my soul.

One of the things I've learned as I've gathered more experience writing is that being timid almost always hurts you. State things powerfully and don't worry so much about being perfectly realistic. The tiny change of making this, "pierce into my soul" makes it significantly more powerful. The "as though" makes it sound weak and wishy-washy. This is your art, the truth is whatever you want it to be. It doesn't matter that he probably can't physically see your soul.

On a formatting note, try playing with stanzas. It's extremely hard to pull off a solid block of text effectively. Having no breaks makes everything run together. Use formatting to your advantage to accent important ideas and separate new ones.

shining through the agape curtains,
and the smell of fresh coffee and your cologne.

Read this out loud. Do you feel how "agape" creates a massive disruption in the flow of these lines? As you're writing, read to yourself in your head, or out loud, whichever works better. You can have a wonderfully insightful and deep poem, but if it has terrible flow it will be a bear to read. Getting a knack for flow comes with practice, (I know I still have a long way to go) but looking back over what you've written and getting it across your tongue should help a lot in finding problem areas.

My final comment, and my most important one, is to work on building depth. There's not a whole lot I can tell you on how exactly to do that, as everyone goes about it differently, but give your work meaning. Give me ideas to explore so that I'll want to read your poetry over and over. A scene is wonderful, but it should have a reason to be there. This poem has a reason to be here, but you need to bring that out so that it's not all out on the surface. A lot of the fun in reading poetry is digging for insight.

I know I threw a lot at you, but overall I did enjoy this and I'm interested in seeing where you go as a writer. It's also nice to see someone taking on sexuality in poetry. It's a topic that is largely treated with either fear or lack of respect. I'm glad to see this kind of poetry written way that is neither sleazy nor preachy.

Good luck and thanks for the read

Intimate, sweet, loving; this poem was a perfect execution of the power of love. It really was fantastic, and I think you should definitely keep writing this kind of stuff, because you can make it work really well. Good job, keep writing.

This was AMAZING:)
The few grammar mistakes you could fix but otherwise I loved it:) It was romantic and sweet and passionate and interesting! Don't stop writing!