I'm really not fan of this piece. The lay out was distracting and after reading it a couple times over, I still have no idea what it's about. Maybe that's just me. It's like a painting with so many colors everywhere, they blend to make black, taking away what could be underneath. It feels like you tried too hard to write something good. That's just me
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.
I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.
What I loved most about this poem was that at the end I got the impression that both characters were in convalescence, or at least that the nurse gains as much from the process of healing as the healed.
ryanke07 wrote:My Western winds Monroe her coffee dress.
I thought that was so perfect; and it was a good way to bring an feeling, I guess, or a texture to the woman because it brings up that icon of the classic American beauty and then changes it with the coffee dress. And the next lines are perfect too, fleshing out the image of a woman full of movement and life. There were a couple of lines where I had to slow down and read it over once or twice to really feel the context, but I felt it was pretty straightforward. And then because I love when poetry refers back to the beginning
Chelseam2 wrote:Her Eastern winds flip pages and sear them by wisdom.
I love this line. And the ending, which I somehow read before I read anything else because the phrase "Fat Athena" has a beautiful, as a Woody Allen character once said, negative imagery to it, was exquisite. All in all, I would say that it was only a smidgen opaque in meaning, and I blame myself for that. I've read those poems that are a mish-mash of SAT vocab and Greek allusions mixed with nonsensical, shock-value imagery, and I honestly hope there is a special circle of hell reserved for people who write poetry like that. You are not one of these people This wasn't a critique so much as an overview of what I got out of the poem. In some cases I think that's more useful because if you read my response are feel like that wasn't what you were trying to convey at all, you can change your poem accordingly. That's more helpful than me trying to guess at what you could try to improve when you're a better writer than me. Basically, keep doing what you're doing.
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. *Le Bible Royal Reviews Here!
"You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things..." — Gone With the Wind
