Heartbreak

He just sat there, staring out to the brilliant blue crystal clear water, topless as usual. He was gorgeous, I couldn't imagine having anyone better than him. With his chocolate brown eyes and his short jet black hair. He was just fantastic. I walked along the golden sand towards him, holdin' my shoes in my hand
"Hey there handsome" I said
He looked up smiling at me with his usual cheesy grin and said in a seductive voice
"Oh why hello there" He smiled some more, then he looked sad and then smiled again. I had interupted him with something. Something was wrong, I didn't have a good feelin' about this either.
I was meeting Jay for a reason, he was going off to some big tour, his biking tour and of course i was going to miss him like hell, but he's the champion in our state so he's trying to beat the rest of the competitors. I just hope he doesn't get hurt.
"Yeah you know this is my last day here for a month apparently?" he asked sort of chewing on his lip. Interrupting my inner blabber.
He had that look in his eye that something bad was going to happen. Then I focused on the question he had asked me. I wasn't completely sure if it was a question or a rhetorical question but I answered anyway.
"Yeah what about it?" I asked my voice trembling a little.
"Well... I think we should break up"
No! Not now, you can't. I thought to myself. The panick rushed through me, the shock following closely behind
"You know just in case anything happens to me Lil. I'll try and stay in contact with you. Doubt it'll be a month anyway" he said trying to reassure me. "I'm so sorry Lily" he said in a rush.
"That's selfish" I murmered. It really sort of pissed me off. I wasn't sure if i was angry or upset but said. "Your not sorry though Jay. You've done this to me before. Remember?" He didn't say anything, he just stared at the floor, where he stood. " Just get out of here Jay" I shouted as my eyes filled up with tears. I knew he was sorry though. He hated hurting me. Sometimes that was his only solution though.
"I am sorry Lily. It's not you. It's me. I can't do this to you, but i have to, it hurts like hell" he shouted. It sounded as if he was crying but trying to be strong. Then he ran off into the distance.
Yeah he cares so much. Not. He wouldn't of done this to me if he did. No,that was selfish for me to think that. I just felt so upset, angry, annoyed and most of all hurt. I could seriously throttle him right now ,but I wouldn't do that though, I love him too much. I sat down and let the tears fall. My face was soaked in a matter of minutes and my hair stuck to my face like glue Everything seemed so empty without Jay. You could here the birds singing away in the background, the crashing waves that were hiding my sobs. Then i heard the little tear, as my heart broke in two. I felt like a nobody.

This is so sad! It even made me cry a little.
It was very good, but there were a few errors.

"You know just in case anything happens to me, Lil.

I wasn't sure if I was angry or upset but said,

"I am sorry, Lily.

Yeah, he cares so much. Not.

I liked it, though I wish it had been a little bit longer.
Keep writing, your great at it!

Aaaw thank you yeah there always is to be honest.

*NOTE: I went back and sorted this out

Hey Haylie I really liked this piece but there are just a few things I think you could improve on for.For instance there isn't that much detail in this piece. I think you could talk a bit more about the setting so far all I know is that there is a sea and gold sand maybe you could elaborate like tell me the time how the sky looked. Was there anyone else there? Also you've told me a lot of the girls emotions why don't you show me them. There are a lot of ways to show anger and other emotions use them. Apart from that wicked piece and I would like to see more. Also since I am writing this review from my mobile sorry for all the typos.
from kitty

Wow, I like this. It felt so personal, I felt close to the protagonist. It had a really interesting point to make, and made it clearly. Description is something you could extend if you were going to go back and edit. Again, if editing, take a look at punctuation:

Commas are your friends Put in a few, because I noticed in places that they were missing, especially in the dialogue, for example:

"Hey there, handsome." is more grammatically correct than "Hey there handsome", I think...

But don't let that stop me from telling you how much I liked this story. I liked it for the following reasons:

It kept my interest, consistently the whole way through,
Your characters are really, really likable and enthralling, I felt like I knew them, well done on that xD,
Your story had a precise beginning, middle and end and your plot was very interesting.
Overall, a great write, once edited will be FANTASTIC <3