A bandits fortune

So yeah... this is just something I threw onto notepad. Almost absent-mindedly really...as I'm such a misunderstood and eccentric genious...

lol, just kidding. Enjoy the poem ladies and gents.

A bandits fortune

He walked amongst the hollow light,
Whilst winters throes did call to him,
Such tranquil skies in dead of night,
Brought forth fond memories to the brim,
And when he yawned, his breath did cloud
As homage to the moon he bowed,
Such serenity gathered to one place,
Did softly reflect upon his face,
His thoughts did dwell upon a time,
Where grace granted him a beauty, divine,
Her touch was soft as snowfalls kiss,
Her voice, a wave of captured bliss;
As first light scratched the violet sky,
His shadow teetered towards the west;
Where now, in wait for him she lie
His heart did ache, his mood digressed,
Upon his brow was writ a frown
"so far away from home", he sighed
alas, in his longing he did drown
no matter how much to himself he lied,
the beaten path behind him called,
whilst he tried to pursue the road untold
the vagrant in him did slowly abate,
with the yearning he knew his love would satiate
Of all the things that one could plunder
even the lustre of gold would dim;
the moment he cast all in the world asunder
and clutched her deeply unto him.

Entrancing piece! I can't give much helpful advice, I just wanted to say that I enjoyed it. Good description, very unique. I liked the style and flow of the piece, except towards the end it slowed down a bit, I had to re-read a few lines. In the beginning it had a more even tone to it, a melodic quality that I could read along smoothly. A few of my more favorite lines were...

He walked amongst the hollow light,
Whilst winters throes did call to him,
Such tranquil skies in dead of night

Her touch was soft as snowfalls kiss,
Her voice, a wave of captured bliss;
As first light scratched the violet sky

Very unique descriptions! I like the thought of winter throes calling. Very magical way of wording a soft touch as 'snowfalls kiss' and 'first light scratching the violet sky'.

Also, great job of giving us an idea of the setting. The dead of night and cold winter, then how time passed and light was coming. Good base story, too.

I think this was a very well done piece. Good job!

<..> Kat

Thanks alot for the comment I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I do agree that it could flow better towards the end, maybe from the second half. When I have time, i'll really think that over as I don't want to take anything away from the detail either.

Anyways, have an awesome day and stay tuned for more

Wow! This was great. Sorry my review will be no good, but I just fell like I had to say something about this. It was good! It kind of reminded my of the poem The Highwayman. Anyway, great job! I do agree that your melody faded a little at the end. The last few lines sounded too long or something. But it was still good.