Adorned Lies

I absolutely love the fact that a lie is described as a beautiful ribbon. It's lacy and deceiving. Nothing but an adorned lie. I think it's brilliant. Your words are eloquent and your style is a breath of fresh air. I think I'm going to follow you I really enjoyed this and hope to read more poetry from you.

Happy writing!

Veritas

This was amazing in my opinion, the fact that something so beautiful, like the ribbons, could actually be something as poisonus as a lie is fantastic. It's like when the beatiful ribbon could be a lie thats trying to protect someone from the truth so on the surface it does look beautiful. Brilliant. I don't think I have any improvements you could make so I hope you continue to write like this and I too shall start following you :]

So this is the poem you feel bad for not getting too many reviews for? Well, might I help fix that review count for you ;D

Of course, if you should feel the want for more reviews, you could always just ask.

That being said, lets break this down into a couple sections, as it what I generally do when it comes to critiques. There was some interesting bits, and I can definitely see you worked hard on trying to come up with something clever and original, but all things could use a little work. Even Shakespeare could have used an editor!

That being said, lets get this show on the road.

1. Flat verses Dynamic

Now, there is some definite imagery in here. You didn't simply state what you wanted to get across but tried to use your words to make us believe it instead of just kind of knowing. That's always the first step. unfortunately, it is only the first step. There is still much that needs improving.

That being said, I found that because the diction was rather... simplistic, the imagery came across as being flat. Flat imagery is generally imagery that is still too blatant. Almost as if you were using general metaphor instead. So what I want you to do is work on how you word your sentences. Sharpen up your vocabulary. Really make yourself as a writer strong before you get into deep, hard topics. The deeper the topic, the harder it is to pull away from the cliche. We want to see originality so give that to us and you'll have an interesting piece of poetry.

2. Structure

Now, I found as I read this poem that is was... well, short. It was simple, lacked any real poetic devices and or forms. The only thing you had going for this was the imagery in itself, and even that was generally flat and lack-luster. So, what I think would be a good thing for you to do would be to go back and maybe give this a rhyme scheme of some sort, or stanzas. Break it up into sections, make the lines more fluid and together. Think not only of what you want to get across but the way you want it to be interpreted. Freebased poetry is usually only good when you have a strong diction and a good sense of soft and hard syllables.

That being said, a structure for this poem might show a bit more maturity and strength from you as a writer. Poetry is the farthest thing from easy.

Overall

Generally, I liked it, to a degree. there was some good aspects. There were some areas that lacked. All in all, as a poet, you do have a bit of work ahead of you. As a writer, though, I applaud your for a good effort and for really trying to put across an idea without being blatant. That shows that you are willing to learn. So keep doing what you're doing and I guarantee you'll find your growth to be stellar.

Oh and get rid of the blue. Most reviewers like it when the font colour is black.

~Walker

This is AMAZING! I am so jealous I can't write poetry like you can! Your an AMAZING POET!