Concrete

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It's just a baby poem, please don't kill it. :)

The glow of the moon calls to me
Like no other thing.
I contemplate escape
But there is no escaping

The night calls me
To its darkest depths,
Like a master and his dog
Playing a game of fetch.

I wish I had the courage
To do the unexpected,
But instead all I do
Is say what's scripted.

There once was a time
When I was considered the problem
Now the problem
Is that I listen to all of them.

I was pulled from my life.
Now I'm boring and weak.
Now people ask
What happened to me?

My nature days are over.
Now I'm all concrete.
Last edited by kjw123 on Fri Jul 15, 2011 1:36 am, edited 2 times in total.
"Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."
Khalil Gibran




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I love it! it's one of those poems that's so easy to read! great fluency! I really like this segment the most-
"I wish I had the courage
To do the unexpected,
But instead all I do
Is say what's scripted."

Even if it is a 'baby poem' it's really good, and i like it!
"Think Sideways" -Edward De Bono




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I love this poem! I think It's great. That is all I have to say. Keep up the great writing! :D
God gives us our relatives - thank God we can choose our friends.
- Ethel Watts Mumford

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell

“I’ll Surprise you, I promise”
-Adam Lambert




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That was really easy to read. I really like it. It flows wonderfully. I sort of wish I was the one that had written it. Haha. So in other words, great job.
"Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they die."




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that ending is really great, the line drawn between nature and concrete... I loved that!

actually the whole poem was great. It flows naturally, good job.
This could very well be the push that makes you move




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I just got chills... it was so simple and plain but yet flowed so well and got the message through without sinking to any deeper depths an yeaah.. L O V E;d it :D

One little nitpick though; you wrote "There once was I time" I think you meant A time.. not I time.. right?

My favorite part was

"I wish I had the courage
To do the unexpected,
But instead all I do
Is say what's scripted."

I can really relate to that part xD

Ehm... I want to say something helpful but there's not much to say other than I loved it so.. GREAT WORK and KEEP WRITING!

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost



It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
— Mark Twain