Crossfire

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This is more like prose, i guess, so I don't know where to post :P
Crossfire

for Bhayden


It’s strange to be caught in the middle of a war you didn’t even know existed. It is strange being in crossfire and having bullets passing harmlessly through your body and leaving you completely oblivious to the situation. And sometimes it is a mighty blessing to be left out of it and kept in the shadows. They tell me it is for my own good, and of course I never believed them…that is until the veil of ignorance fell away. There is a weight that comes with the absence of ignorance, and it is one terrible to bear.

Well, now my eyes are open, and the bullets are no longer harmless. They pierce through my flesh and leave my heart bleeding. They have become deadly.

Standing in the middle of a raging battle, staring out into the chaos, I have seen so much hate and malice. I’m only a child. Who do I turn to when my elders fight like children? Don’t they ever think about me? Maybe they tell themselves that I haven’t seen them. They tell themselves that what I don’t know won’t hurt me to rid their conscious of the guilt.

I know, and it’s hurting me!

So while this war is raging on all I can do is watch. But I guess I owe the soldiers gratitude for laying my choices so clearly before me. I can either pray to God to lead me away from the storm they have stirred or get caught up and lost in the fray. But either way, for now, I remain caught in the middle: a victim of the crossfire.
Last edited by Veritas on Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hi-ya! You've posted in the wrong category :^) great start!
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.

I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.




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Hello, veritas! :D
I like it. It's... well, nothing like I've read before.
They pierce through my flesh and leave my heart bleeding.

^ Love, love, LOVE this line! It's great and [italic]very[/italic] relatable. (:

Keep it up!
~Me
I don't obsess.

I think.

Intensely.

-----

Excuse me, I have work to do. Evil plots don't make themselves.




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aawwwwww... <3 I loved this. Idk, it was like, calm, yet very focused, like a yoga instructor or something. It's intense meaning seemed muted by the excellent prose, yet that somehow added an atmosphere, a voice that spoke through the ages in three paragraphs. I love snipets like this, a single idea that is written about, with no exploring so that the reader has the luxury of being distracted. A snipet says, "LOOK AT ME AND PAY ATTENTION." only, yours is like, "Please look at me, look if you can bear it." Terrific stuff.
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Ermm ... are'nt you in the wrong catagory?
Otherwise, I loved it! It was great!!!
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WOW, this story really caught my eye. For some reason i can relate to this story.

You used descriptions well, and also capitalism etc.

The only think i could say to improve it is to go in more detail about characters, setting etc
also try not to tell us so much about the plot etc, try showing us more then telling us.

You did a really good job and i really liked that poem,
Please comment on my poems/stories too please, it would be appreciative.

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Sorry i took so long to get to this.

Wow! I really really really liked this! This piece does describe EXACTLY how I feel. When i was younger, I was totally oblivious to their fighting. But ow that I'm older, I've stepped right into the war. I don't think they realize...probably never will. We'll see...

Veritas wrote:I know, and it’s hurting me!


Favorite line. Sometimes, i just want to shout that to my parents, and see if they listen. The puntuation just give all the more emotion to that. It was a great break, that line.

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-Brie
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It's a great piece and I love the descriptions, but I do believe you're in the wrong category. Try calling it a narrative instead. Poetry does not have to be in verse (trust me, I'd know, I almost never write in pattern) but this is more of a chain-of-consciousness short narrative.
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