Get it Right

This is the farthest from what I believe to be even somewhat good. I needed to get it out though and poetry seemed the way to go at the time. I suppose, though, that I could always just put this is a blog instead.. well, I'll think it through.

Get it Right

In words, we breathe
Air to our lungs
Inhaling life, in love
We write, we see
We feel, we know.
Yet I can’t, and won’t
Nor see, nor feel
And in that sense
I cannot breathe.

We lose, we cry
But words cannot
Explain the pain away.
Tempted and taunted
Close to creation
With lips plump
From unspoken words
Though, in truth,
There’s nothing to say.

I let life pass
Through my fingers
Like water, like sand
So why should words
Be any different?
Gone is the voice
That spoke of hope
For this very instant
While I try to get it right.

Still, I was wrong
And words are all that’s left.

This was great. One of those 'wow' moments. You're very Shakespearian in the sense you cut lines off, but you don't pause; It's cool. Also, Great wording. Really amazing. You can also feel the emotion leaking out of this poem, and it gives you the chills. Really this is just, wow.

In words, we breathe
Air to our lungs
Inhaling life, in love
We write, we see
We feel, we know.
Yet I can’t, and won’t
Nor see, nor feel
And in that sense
I cannot breathe.

We lose, we cry
But words cannot
Explain the pain away.------- I love this line. It's so unspoken, yet true.
Tempted and taunted
Close to creation
With lips plump
From unspoken words
Though, in truth,
There’s nothing to say.

I let life pass
Through my fingers
Like water, like sand
So why should words
Be any different?
Gone is the voice
That spoke of hope
For this very instant
While I try to get it right.

Still, I was wrong
And words are all that’s left.------ I like the ending, very dramatic and fits perfectly with the poem.

Great Job!

Love,
LittleLionWoman

Wow, this is one of the best poems I've read in awhile. I agree with LittleLionWoman, I really like the ending. I don't really have any complaints. Keep up the good work.

That was great . I agree with everyone that commented.It was a good poem that took some time to figure but in a good way. Great job. I haven't seen a non-cliche' poem in awhile but this hit the jackpot. Keep up the good work;)
~Spartacus~

Personally I think I just have a weakness for your poems, but I thought this was quite brilliant. No little nitpicks that are worth pointing out to you, and even though you didn't always punctuate it quite as correctly as I hoped, it was still effective, emotional and technically quite sound. Keep up the good work.