What Do You Admire?

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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 3
I admire the pants
they put up with all the nasty
I admire leopard print
where would 50-plus-year old women be without it??
I admire sparkles
they make everything THAT much better
But most of all...
i admire sparkly leopard print pants...
cuz it does all three
-CrAzY!




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Gender Female
Points 1212
Reviews 47
I really liked the beginning of this poem, but I think that it faded a bit at the end. The first line really drew me in, and I wanted to read more, but I found myself almost a little dissapointed at the end.

i admire sparkly leopard print pants...
cuz it does all three
Before this part in the poem, all of the "I"s are capitalized, so you should either make them all lowercase or change this one to uppercase. Also, I think that "cuz" stands out a bit here, because you don't use any other words like that earlier in the poem.

Overall, I thought that this was very origional, and I like the base of the poem. I think that if you just change a few things, it will be fantastic. =)

Keep it up,
Poem
"We played Pin the Tail on the Reason My Life Feels So Insufficient, and nobody won." -Megan Moriarty




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Points 8363
Reviews 182
Hi, shiney1 here!

The title sounded interesting, so I took a look. The first line was a bit intriguing as well, but as I read the next line, and the next, it kind of went downhill. I loved the bit with the leopard print and ladies, that made me smile, but this poem did not flow that much, and sin one or two places didn't make much sense.


I admire the pants "The" kind of looks misplaced here.
because they put up with all the nasty _____ Nasty what? That line is confusing.
I admire leopard print,
where would 50-plus-year old women be without it?? This sentence is a bit too long for this poem, and disrupts the flow a bit. Maybe you could shorten it?
I admire sparkles,
for they make everything THAT much better.
But most of all...
I admire sparkly leopard-print pants...
cuz it does all three I know that "cuz" adds "attitude", but it is more like text language and it's best not to use it in a poem like this.



Well, that is it! Keep working on this one, it has more potential!
"If you ever have a problem don't say 'Hey God I have a big problem.' Rather 'Hey Problem... I have a big God and it's all going to be okay."




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Points 1880
Reviews 81
Didn't really make much sense to me. I agree with the other two people above about how it went downhill. I really was interested for about the first three lines because it was nothing like I expected it to be but then everything kind of spiraled out of control. The people above pretty much covered everything else I could say.

Veritas
The words you write reflect your soul. Make every word count.




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Points 969
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At first the first two lines didn't seem to connect at all and so as I read through everything I tried to find the connection, then I realized, why should I look for a connect? So I reread it again and just by simply reading the words and looking for no hidden meaning, no errors, no imperfections, I saw a very interesting piece of a person. So what if some places deserve a capitalization or two? So what that there are some gramatical errors? Maybe that's just what the author thought the piece needed, and maybe by not trying to look deeper into the piece I'm looking too deep, but personally, I liked it. It may not be a poem that touched my soul and heart, but it was one that made me realize that poetry has no laws and that it is unable to be contained, and maybe I'm ranting in this comment and I apologize if that is the case, but once I feel like writing something I find that it's extremely hard to restrain myself.
I wish I lived in a world where whispers were screams.



No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies.
— Daisy Bates