A Couple's Love

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The high school couple,
They think they’re in love
They kiss all day and night
And hold hands down the hall
They’re stuck in their own world
Until it eventually comes crashing down

The young college couple,
Waiting on the day they might get married
He gives her flowers
She returns it with a kiss
Their schedules are rough
But their love will always stay strong

The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two

The old retired couple,
So sweet as can be
Relating stories from the past
And wishing to return
When asked about her husband, she simply replies,
“He is gone and I am here,
But our love will never die, even if our bodies do”
Let's eat mom.
Let's eat, mom.
Good grammar saves lives :D




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Points 8363
Reviews 182
Oh my, this poem almost made me cry. (that rhymes...)

But really, this is such a nice poem, and I like how it is different and does not get stuck on teenage love and all that like many poems do.

It also shows, contrary to popular belief, that marriage can work if you make it work, and is not meant to be bondage but a covenant, or a bond between two people who absolutely love each other (sorry for the personal input here) :)

The high school couple,
They think they’re in love
They kiss all day and night,
And hold hands down the hall.
They’re stuck in their own world
Until it eventually comes crashing down.

The young college couple,
Waiting on the day they might get married.
He gives her flowers
She returns it with a kiss;
Their schedules are rough,
But their love will always stay strong.

The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that.
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two.

The old retired couple,
So sweet as can be
Relating stories from the past
And wishing to return.
When asked about her husband, she simply replies,
“He is gone and I am here,
But our love will never die, even if our bodies do”


Just a few pauses and punctuation suggestions here.

Very nice poem!
"If you ever have a problem don't say 'Hey God I have a big problem.' Rather 'Hey Problem... I have a big God and it's all going to be okay."




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Points 789
Reviews 44
The high school couple,
They think they’re in love
They kiss all day and night
And hold hands down the hall
They’re stuck in their own world
Until it eventually comes crashing down

The young college couple,
Waiting on the day they might get married
He gives her flowers
She returns it with a kiss
Their schedules are rough
But their love will always stay strong

The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two

The old retired couple,
So sweet as can be
Relating stories from the past
And wishing to return
When asked about her husband, she simply replies,
“He is gone and I am here,
But our love will never die, even if our bodies do”


Wow, this is amazing...I loved the different stages, and the last line almost brought me to tears <3

Keep Writing...

Gerry :)
"Winner, winner, chicken dinner" Wise words said by the one and only, Dean Winchester.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1747
Reviews 135
Thanks guys. Wow, I actually wrote something where no one had anything to say negative about it except my grammar? I'm so happy! I'm glad you guys liked it.
Let's eat mom.
Let's eat, mom.
Good grammar saves lives :D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3410
Reviews 87
I really enjoyed this poem. It's very beautiful, honest, and sincere. I especially adore the third stanza,
The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two

because it just goes to show that love can conquer anything, and what doesn't hurt a marriage only makes it stronger.
Fantastic work. *follows*
"If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy,
you'd be twice as funny as you are."

- Dorothea, The Mortal Instruments




User avatar
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Points 2058
Reviews 31
The high school couple,
They think they’re in love
They kiss all day and night
And hold hands down the hall
They’re stuck in their own world
Until it eventually comes crashing down

The young college couple,
Waiting on the day they might get married
He gives her flowers
She returns it with a kiss
Their schedules are rough
But their love will always stay strong

The married couple,
Fighting all day
Stressed about this and that
He works all the time
She has many things to do
But at the end of the day,
There’s time for a kiss or two

The old retired couple,
So sweet as can be
Relating stories from the past
And wishing to return
When asked about her husband, she simply replies,
“He is gone and I am here,
But our love will never die, even if our bodies do”


So, this was an interesting poem, I'll give it that. My only problems are

-Rhythm feels off here and there.

-Sort of...I dunno. Linear. Each description of a couple follows the same sort of pattern and I think it could have been really cool if you'd switched each one up beyond altering the descriptions of what the couples do.

It had a sweet ending, and it was pretty decent.
"There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances."


-Leon Trotsky-




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 2647
Reviews 313
I'll have to agree with the previous commenter on this one. The rhythm is a bit off here and there, and the flow is really hard to find. But I definitely think the overall message is really cool. I feel like its really positive and has a 'you can do it!' attitude about it. =] It's uplifting!

This poem is really nice, the set up was clean and your grammar was good as well. Overall, you have a solid piece. It just needs a few tweaks here and there to sort out the rhythm. =]]
TylynTyrannosaurus<3 (tydecker777)



Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you're not really interested in order to get where you're going.
— Christopher Darlington Morley