Upon the Mercurian Shore

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We walked and talked,
Wined and dined
Looked over the sea as it slopped greenly on the sand.

Vapour rose and fires burned
Way out on the green sea,
Where the fires burned,
The sea bubbled and boiled,
Stewing and melting,

Under the heat of the pale yellow sun.
You walked from me, saying:

“Goodbye, till next time.”

And with that, you left, leaving me still waiting and pondering,
Thinking and wondering,
When the next time is,
Upon the Mercurian Shore.
"Madness rides the Star wind"

HP Lovecraft. Ironic, no?




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Howdy there!

I thought this was a cute little poem and for me it really worked.

The layout helped a lot, the use of enjambment helped it to flow a lot more as well. There were no breaks in the poem which is always great to see :D

Your use of vocabulary is also very good!

I'd like to see a lot more of your work

Really good job, well done!
~TheGillianGill~

There's a bright light, see it in the distance? It's called your future.




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This was quite nice. It was a cute, tidy little narrative and I enjoyed reading it. Sorry I don't have something more constructive to say!
Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.




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Thank you,
with all due respect,

skutter11
"Madness rides the Star wind"

HP Lovecraft. Ironic, no?



Some people are hourglass shaped, some people are apple shaped, some people are pear shaped, some people are even bean pole shaped, but if we’re not careful we all become banana shaped. This is your gentle posture reminder.
— Ranger