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Melancholy has come to visit today
and there is not much I can do or say
to make it go away

There's a place to be
A new trek to embark, though slow and weak one steps.
Behold such a place
chosen to replace all remnants of a hollow existence marred by years of regret and mourn.
Today aches like the day before, and the paths come with a way to start
but not a way around that of what the soul is trying to crawl away from

So useless is the individual who cannot obtain a rightfull place
distant from the derelict and parasitic abnormality
presented in full view of a mirror.

Hi there and welcome to YWS! You're totally going to love it here. I love getting reviews, it's my favorite part of this site! So if you don't mind, I'll review your poem.

This poem was somewhat of a mixed bag....I'll start with the bad stuff first.

The first problem I have with this is the first stanza. It's the only stanza that rhymes, which is kind of confusing since the rest of the poem doesn't rhyme. Unless this is some kind of formal poetry, it's a little bit weird. If this is free-verse, then it shouldn't rhyme.

Secondly, your lines are all over the place and there isn't much rhythm. Free verse there is no set rhythm, but you need to make your own. Sometimes poems are choppy and quick to the point, others are long and flowing. This poem seems to be choppy in the first stanza, then the lines get long in the body of the poem. Be consistent with the lengths of your lines.

Now I am going to tell you the good things about your poem

I really like your vocabulary in this, and you used some really good imagery. (something I usually fail at) You use some really nice metaphors that make this totally un-cliche, which is really awesome.

I think that maybe if you give this poem a once-over and edit a couple things, it could turn out really nice I look forward to reading more from you
~Chibi

Hi!

So, I liked the first stanza, I liked the way how you personified the emotion Melancholy. It makes seemed more real and 3D.

With the second stanza, I think (as ChibiGiraffe said) there's no constant rhythm to it or anything. I'd try to read the piece aloud. Usually, I get more of an idea with what I should change to make the poem have more rhythm and flow a bit better if I do that. Another way to fix rhythm is probably expressing it in another way. It doesn't have to be anything a massive, even removing or adding one word can make a huge impact on flow and rhythm.

The formatting and line length in the second and third stanza is also strange. I like to be consistent with the length of the lines in my poems, because for one, the poem looks a whole lot neater and easier to read and two it looks more organised. I reckon you can afford dividing some of the longer lines in two.

I did like the third stanza though. I liked the content and how you gave us the message in a round about way by incorporating the full view of a mirror. I thought that was really clever. Good work on that.

I would say there's nothing wrong with the content just the more technical things like rhythm and format. There must be rhythm in the poem otherwise it's just the same as prose, but shorter.

That's about it. Keep writing!

Hey there! Welcome to YWS!

Melancholy has come to visit today
and there is not much I can do or say
to make it go away

There's a place to be
A new trek to embark, though slow and weak one steps.
Behold such a place
chosen to replace all remnants of a hollow existence marred by years of regret and mourn.
Today aches like the day before, and the paths come with a way to start
but not a way around that of what the soul is trying to crawl away from

So useless is the individual who cannot obtain a rightfull place
distant from the derelict and parasitic abnormality
presented in full view of a mirror.

Honestly, if you were trying to make a piont or say something, I didn't get it... First off it's quite annoying to read because of the format. If you were to chop up the middle part more or just change it to an actual format it would be MUCH easier to read. It was interesting and has potential you just need to work on making it easier to read and more understandable. Good try!

if you have any questions PM me!

( sorry if this review is a little short, I'm posting from my iPod so it's harder)

-boo