Chapter 1 [Marco]

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Secret love my escape take me far, far away, secret love are you there will you answer me prayer, please take me anywhere but here. ~~Mayday Parade

“Marco! Did you get your toothbrush?” I believe some eye rolling is needed there.

“Duh, mom I’m not stupid I’m sixteen years old.” She walked in holding my toothbrush. I smiled sheepishly. “I thought you said hair brush.” She rolled her sparkling emerald eyes at me.

“Come on Marco, hurry. We don’t want Peyton to get there before us!” Of course, my family and the Everwoods always race to the beach house. I’ve never understood why though.

My family and the Everwoods have been going to Ocean Song Beach house for as long as I can remember. It was always the best time of the year. Dancing, surfing, partying, (the partying started last year).

“Marco! Come on we’re gonna miss our flight!” I grabbed my suit case, my phone and checked my hair. “I swear to God! Marco Aaryn Mason, if you are messing with your hair I will kick you I the butt!” My black straight hair was falling in my face and covering my ice cold blue eyes.

“Oh My God!” We still have to pick up Carson! Get your butt down here!” I ran down the stairs and stopped by the door.

“Hurry up mom, we’re gonna be late!” She stormed up to me and stuck her tongue out. “Way to be mature mom, where’s dad?” She shrugged.

“Come on lets go now!” I rolled my eyes and walked out the front door.

Wow, it gets worse every year. The last day of school we always come right back to the house and pack our bags as fast as we can. We spend crap loads of money on last minute tickets. But we do what we do to preserve any sanity we have left. It’s a tradition that we go to Ocean Song every year. Last year Peyton’s dad died, and we’ve tried not to change anything.

Peyton, wow. You’d be surprised how much I think about her. We’ve been best friends since we were in the 3rd grade. It’s a funny story how we meet really. It was the first summer we went to Ocean Song. I guess our parents had planed it, but anyhow. We got there and I see a little girl playing with Pokémon cards. Naturally being a self absorbed 3rd grader I thought those were mine so I walked over and took the cards and she bit me I picked up a plastic shovel from a sand box and hit her with it. The hit became more of a scratch and left a huge slash above her eyebrow. (My bad.) But she’s had a scar there ever since, and we’ve been friends ever since. It’s hard to believe that the little girl was now 15 years old. She’d never been the breath taking gorgeous girl everyone thought she was going to be. Average, I guess is what you would say.

The last time I saw her. She was skinny, no curves, shoulder length auburn hair, pale green eyes, nothing special. But she had an amazing smile that could melt the glaciers. According to my mom it doesn’t matter what the girl looks like. I agree to some extent. I’m not a shallow dick, but I don’t really want to date an ugly girl. I’m also not saying Peyton is ugly. Her mom always said she was just in an awkward stage.

I hated it when my mother would talk about me like I was some kind of super model. I might be considered good looking but I never thought I was anything special. I have natural black hair, with ice blue eyes, like I said nothing special.

“Yo tard face. Quit spacing you fag.” Carson…

“What? You gay lord…” Carson made a face at me.

“You were spacing you fag.” I flipped him off. Carson was something special. All the girls loved Carson. Six foot one sandy blond hair, and bright green eyes. I will say I’m taller than him. (I’m mentally giving myself a high five for that one! )

I’m going to spare you the details of the long plane ride with Carson all I can say is I am gonna slip him something on the way back.( Sleeping pills of course not date rape drugs or anything!)

Wow, Ocean Song is getting old. The pale blue paint was chipping off and the windows were covered in dust. Why don’t we hire people to come clean this place?

As we were getting out of the car I saw, Kasey, Jaycee, and Lacey walking down the beach in bikinis.

“Yo, who are they?” Carson was talking about the girls. I nodded and stared a little bit more.

“Um, the taller blonde is Kasey, she’s not the best with… you know… The shorter red head is Jaycee we call her Ginger. I’ve never fooled around with her. She’s all yours bro. Last but not least the gorgeous black headed one is Lacey; I honestly think she’s a hoe bag.” Carson was staring. The girls looked over and waved and smiled seductively. Carson and I started walking out there to talk to them. “Ladies.” I smiled my super model smile. The girls smiled and giggled.

“Hi Marco.” Lacey was the first to talk of course. “You guys wanna play Frisbee?” Carson of course shook his head yes while drooling over Lacey. Lacey took a step back and threw the Frisbee and I took off running after it, but so did Carson we both jumped and smashed into each other and fell into the sand.

“Dude, ow! Carson look where you’re going!” I heard a car coming up the long drive. It was a black Cadillac. I paused with the Frisbee in hand. The car pulled into Ocean Song. Carson jogged over to my side.

“Is that the girl you told me about on the plane?” Peyton. I wonder if she changed her hair? I wonder if she got glasses, gained weight, got a boy friend. I watched the car doors open and Peyton get out. My jaw hit the ground. Her auburn glossy curls were down to the middle of her back. Her longs were tanned and long. Her upper body got some… extra padding? “Dude, I thought you said she didn’t have boobs?” I looked at the girl. “Does she ever bring friends? Because that most defiantly does not look anything like the girl you described.”

“Peyton never brings friends. She says it ruins the tradition. Wait for her to smile. Then we will know.” Lacey threw the other Frisbee at my head it bounced off and the girls cracked up laughing. The girl by the car snapped her head over, lifted up her sunglasses and smiled. “It’s Peyton…” My mom walked out of the beach house and gave Laura a hug. My mom looked over at me.

“Marco, take your stuff inside.” Oh no. Peyton shot me a look. I didn’t get the room, I could I have been so stupid. Every year Peyton and I fight over the room with the beach view. She likes watching the waves and she won’t admit it but she likes the shirtless guys. I want it for the girls doing yoga on the beach. Oh yeah!  Peyton grabbed a blanket and started running towards the house.

“Shit!” I shot off running as fast as I could. I jumped over the fence and ran through the front door. “Peyton! I was totally here before you!” I sprung in the room and Peyton had already thrown her blanket on the bed.

“I win!” She smiled her amazing smile. She was draped across the bed smiling. She was wearing a light pink tank top and white short shorts. Her long tan legs were taunting me. Her long auburn curls were shimmering as the sun came through the window and struck each individual strand. “Quit staring you tard.” I smiled at her.

“You gonna play Frisbee?” She smiled again and it stopped my heart.

“I haven’t seen you in a whole year and the first thing you say to me is, ‘wanna play Frisbee?’ The answer is yes, I’m gonna kick your butt. But you have to leave so I can change and claim the good room. She smiled and slammed the door in my face. I ran back outside with a huge grin on my face.

“Yo! Don’t keep the hottie to yourself bro.” I shot him an angry look. “Shit man you do like Peyton! I think you liked her before she was hot.” I heard the crunch of the sand behind me.

“Who’s hot?” Peyton was standing beside. Carson gave her the up down then smiled.

“You are hot my friend. Let us play Frisbee.” Wow, she tells me stop staring yet she comes down in that, a pastel yellow bikini with a yellow skirt. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes. This is going to be a hard summer…
No one is perfect, that's why pencils have erasiers.<33




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Wow! I love it, it made me laugh at some parts and I like the tempting cliffhanger. I also like the fact that you saw from a teenage boy's point of view which gives it that special teenage touch! :) I'm not an expert on the subject, but there is a part that confuses me a little
“Marco! Come on we’re gonna miss our flight!” I grabbed my suit case, my phone and checked my hair. “I swear to God! Marco Aaryn Mason, if you are messing with your hair I will kick you I the butt!” My black straight hair was falling in my face and covering my ice cold blue eyes.

But I think I got it, so over all it is a nice piece of work and I'm waiting to read on!
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams




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Great story! I love this-very well written. I loved the last line! It was fantastic and Let me just say instead of
Boy this is going to be a hard summer
Boy this is going to be hard wait on the next chapter of the story!!!
You are quite a talented writer and I urge you to write more this cuold turn into something very special...
Kaka xx
Got YWS?

If, when you mean to type yes you type yws, you know you belong. :P




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Hello AnneMarie96 ! Here to review! :)

Secret love my escape take me far, far away, secret love are you there will you answer me prayer, please take me anywhere but here. ~~Mayday Parade I love this song !

“Marco! Did you get your toothbrush?” I believe some eye rolling is needed there.

“Duh, mom I’m not stupid I’m sixteen years old.” She walked in holding my toothbrush. I smiled sheepishly. “I thought you said hair brush.” She rolled her sparkling emerald eyes at me.

“Come on Marco, hurry. We don’t want Peyton to get there before us! The exclamation point isn't every necessary unless she's yelling/shouting/raising her voice ,etc.” Of course, my family and the Everwoods always race to the beach house. I’ve never understood why though.

My family and the Everwoods have been going to Ocean Song Beach house for as long as I can remember. It was always the best time of the year. Dancing, surfing, partying, (the partying started last year). I don't know , but I don't think you should mention the partying starting last year. It doesn't seem to fit.

“Marco! Come on we’re gonna going to sounds better, just because it's the mom saying it. miss our flight!” I grabbed my suit case, my phone and checked my hair. “I swear to God!No exclamation point. Marco Aaryn Mason, if you are messing with your hair I will kick youyour I typo with the I the butt!” My black straight hair was falling in my face and covering my ice coldJust ice would be fine blue eyes.

“Oh My God!” , take that out and the the exclamation We still have to pick up Carson! Get your butt down here!” I ran down the stairs and stopped by the door.

“Hurry up mom, we’re gonna be late!” She stormed up to me and stuck her tongue out. “Way to be mature mom, where’s dad?” She shrugged. So are they going to just leave without the dad?

“Come on lets go now!” I rolled my eyes and walked out the front door.

Wow, it gets worse every year. OnThe last day of school we always come right back to the house and pack our bags as fast as we can. We spend crap loads of money on last minute tickets. But we do what we do to preserve any sanity we have left But we do what we have to do to preserve any sanity we have left.. It’s a tradition that we go to Ocean Song every year This was understood already so you can take this sentence out. Last year Peyton’s dad died, and we’ve tried not to change anything. This sentence is fine, but I think it would be best if we learned this later on , maybe during a deep conversation between Marco and Peyton

Peyton, wow. You’d be surprised how much I think about her. We’ve been best friends since we were in the 3rd grade. It’s a funny story how we meet really. It was the first summer we went to Ocean Song. I guess our parents had planed it, but anyhow If you're going to say anyhow then you have to take out the period. We got there and I see a little girl playing with Pokémon cards. Naturally being a self absorbed 3rd grader I thought those were mine so I walked over and took the cards and she bit me Period I picked up a plastic shovel from a sand box and hit her with it. The hit became more of a scratch and take that out. It doesn't really make much sense with the rest of the sentence left a huge slash above her eyebrow. (My bad.) Haha I like that But she’s had a scar there ever since, and we’ve been friends ever since. It’s hard to believe that the little girl was now 15 years old Why? Isn't he the same age or around?. She’d never been the breath taking gorgeous girl everyone thought she was going to be. Average, I guess is what you would say. Poor Peyton haha . Not even her best friend thinks she's gorgeous.

The last time I saw her. No period She was skinny, no curves, shoulder length auburn hair, pale green eyes, nothing special No need to list everything that's average about her. But she had an amazing smile that could melt the glaciers. According to my mom it doesn’t matter what the girl looks like. I agree to some extent. I’m not a shallow dick, but I don’t really want to date an ugly girl. I’m also not saying Peyton is ugly. Her mom always said she was just in an awkward stage. Teenage boy talk to it's finest ! Good job ! :)

I hated it when my mother would talk about me like I was some kind of super model. I might be considered good looking but I never thought I was anything special. I have natural black hair, with ice blue eyes,Period , capital L like I said nothing special.

“Yo tard face. Quit spacing you fag.” Carson… Carson says this? Mention that because it becomes confusing

“What? You gay lord…” Carson made a face at me.

“You were spacing you fag.” I flipped him off. Carson was something special. All the girls loved Carson. Six foot one sandy blond hair, and bright green eyes. I will say I’m taller than him. (I’m mentally giving myself a high five for that one! )

I’m going to spare you the details of the long plane ride with Carson Period , capital A all I can say is I am gonna slip him something on the way back.( Sleeping pills of course not date rape drugs or anything!) Hahahha that is so something one of my guy friends would say

Wow, Ocean Song is getting old. The pale blue paint was chipping off and the windows were covered in dust. Why don’t we hire people to come clean this place?

As we were getting out of the car I saw, Kasey, Jaycee, and Lacey walking down the beach in bikinis.

“Yo, who are they?” Carson was talking about the girls That is inferred so it doesn't have to be said. I nodded and stared a little bit more.

“Um, the taller blonde is Kasey, she’s not the best with… you know… The shorter red head is Jaycee we call her Ginger Definitely what you would call a red head! (:. I’ve never fooled around with her. She’s all yours bro. Last but not least the gorgeous black headed one is Lacey; I honestly think she’s a hoe bag.” Carson was staring. The girls looked over and waved and smiled seductively Try something like . . walked over and waved , seductive smiles on their faces. Carson and I started walking out there to talk to them. “Ladies.” I smiled my super model smile For someone who doesn't consider himself a big deal this makes you think otherwise. The girls smiled and giggled.

“Hi Marco.” Lacey was the first to talk of course. “You guys wanna play Frisbee?” Carson of course shook nodded his head yes while drooling over Lacey. Lacey took a step back and threw the Frisbee and I took off running after it, but so did Carson Period we both jumped and smashed into each other falling onto the sand and fell into the sand.

“Dude, ow! Carson look where you’re going!” I heard a car coming up the long drive. It was a black Cadillac. I paused with the Frisbee in hand. The car pulled into Ocean Song. Carson jogged over to my side.

“Is that the girl you told me about on the plane?” Peyton. I wonder if she changed her hair? I wonder if she got glasses, gained weight, got a boy friend All these things in one or are these different scenarios?. I watched the car doors open and Peyton get out. My jaw hit the ground. Her auburn glossy curls were down to the middle of her back. Her longslegs were tanned and long. Her upper body got some… extra padding? “Dude, I thought you said she didn’t have boobs?” I looked at the girl. “Does she ever bring friends? Because that most defiantly definitely does not look anything like the girl you described.”

“Peyton never brings friends. She says it ruins the tradition. Wait for her to smile. Then we will know.” Lacey threw the other Frisbee at my head Period it bounced off and the girls cracked up laughing. The girl by the car snapped her head over, lifted up her sunglasses and smiled. “It’s Peyton…” My mom walked out of the beach house and gave Laura Who's Laura?a hug. My mom looked over at me.

“Marco, take your stuff inside.” Oh no. Peyton shot me a look. I didn’t get the room,Period. How could I have been so stupid I could I have been so stupid. Every year Peyton and I fight over the room with the beach view. She likes watching the waves and she won’t admit it but she likes the shirtless guys. I want it for the girls doing yoga on the beach. Oh yeah!  Peyton grabbed a blanket and started running towards the house.

“Shit!” I shot off running as fast as I could. I jumped over the fence and ran through the front door. “Peyton! I was totally here before you!” I sprung in into the room andbut Peyton had already thrown her blanket on the bed.

“I win!” She smiled her amazing smile. She was draped across the bed smiling. She was wearing a light pink tank top and white short shorts. Her long tan legs were taunting me. Her long auburn curls were shimmering as the sun came through the window and struck each individual strand. “Quit staring you tard.” I smiled at her.

“You gonna play Frisbee?” She smiled again and it stopped my heart.

“I haven’t seen you in a whole year and the first thing you say to me is, ‘wanna play Frisbee?’ The answer is yes, I’m gonna kick your butt. But you have to leave so I can change and claim the good room." She smiled and slammed the door in my face. I ran back outside with a huge grin on my face.

“Yo! Don’t keep the hottie to yourself bro.” I shot him an angry look. “Shit man you do like Peyton! I think you liked her before she was hot.” I heard the crunch of the sand behind me.

“Who’s hot?” Peyton was standing beside beside who?. Carson gave her the up down then smiled.

“You are hot my friend. Let us play Frisbee.” Wow, she tells me stop staring yet she comes down in that, a pastel yellow bikini with a yellow skirt. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes. This is going to be a hard summer…


Overall :
Okay sorry for the nitpicks . Yes , I know they can be annoying! So this was good. I liked that it's in the point of view of a guy. But is it also going to be in the point of Peyton? Well anyway, you did a good job. I just have somethings to point out:

1.) At the beginning you use to many exclamation points. Cut some of those out. Just use them when they're necessary.

2.) You might want to mention somewhere before the story starts that this has swearing .

3.) This is just something I was thinking about . The quote from the Mayday Parade song does that tie into the entire story or just this chapter?

Well that's all I have. Feel free to ask me anything about the review if you have any questions. Let me know when the next chapter is up . Keep writing -Imaginemymind
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on" ~Robert Frost

My blog where I talk everything book related : http://booksarewonderfulmagic.blogspot.com/




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Well lets do this, Kayla's the name, writings the game!

I really like your story so far. They're is a good story and characters in this story. I love the teasing clif hanger at the end. I love the dialouge and how you made this story from a guys point of view. I would really like to read more of this, and I can't wait to see how this story develops.

I hope we get to learn more about the plot and the characters.

Other than the already pointed out errors and spelling mistakes, I think the plot and writing behind this story is great so far. And I really can't wait to meet the characters further.

--Kayla!
The closest friends are the ones you'd take a bullet for, but they're the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well<33--Alex Gaskarth

"So take my life I'll had it to you, you can try on these clothes but you can't fill these shoes,"-- Poison-All Time Low



A wizard is never late. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to.
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