The Child's Death

Blue sky's,
Green grass,
The perfect time in which to bask.

The sun's high,
There's little clouds,
Beginning the start of endless crowds.

Flower petals,
Tall tree's,
The lovely smell of the sea breeze.

Stunning,
Perfection,
With the ocean's crystal blue reflection.

Like a mirror,
Of the past,
Skin so white it serves as the best contrast.

A child's death,
At the perfect time,
No more nights with nursery rythmes.

This place,
Was once,
My heaven on earth.

But the death,
of a child,
Gave birth.

Spoiler

Hey thanks for reading this poem is definitely in the process of developing and I know there are many parts that I'm not 100% sure about so reviews and comments would be much appreciated! Also I'm thinking of how to go on with the poem I feel the ending is very weak and abrupt.

WOW! *Hits like button repeatedly*

snickerdooly wrote:
Blue sky's
Green grass
The perfect time in which to bask. << Good Stanza

The sun's high
There's little clouds
Beginning the strart of endless crowds. << Hmm. What is strart?

Flower petals
Tall tree's
The lovely smell of the sea breeze. << Love the "two words on one line, then a sentance" presentation.

Stunning
Perfection
With the ocean's crystal blue reflection. << Fav. stanza!

Like a mirror
Of the past
Skin so white it served as the best contrast. << LOVE IT!

A child's death
At the perfect time
No more night's with nursery rythmes. << Awesome!

This place
Was once
My heaven on earth. << Love the metaphor meaning.

But the death
of a child
Gave birth. << Secon Fav. Stanza!

Spoiler

Hey thanks for reading this poem is definitely in the process of developing and I know there are many parts that I'm not 100% sure about so reviews and comments would be much appreciated! Also I'm thinking of how to go on with the poem I feel the ending is very weak and abrupt.

^^^ !!! ^^^

Spoiler

Abrupt!? It ends perfectly! I love it!

^^^ !!! ^^^

Thats cool! Love it!

Your Poetry Is Very Good! I Love It! It's Very Creative!

I really liked this piece! The rhyming was really good and I enjoyed the flow and outline of the poem, the ending was not abrupt it was just right but I do wish that it would go on longer
Thanks for posting
-TheAverageJoe

Hey, Snickerdooly. Here to lend a short review on this. It seems like a very nice poem. ^-^ Edits will be in red and comments in blue, for your eyes!

snickerdooly wrote:Blue skies(,)
Green grass(,)
The perfect time in which to bask.

The sun's high(,)
There's little clouds(,)
Beginning the start of endless crowds.

Flower petals(,)
Tall tree's(,)
The lovely smell of the sea breeze.

Stunning
Perfection
With the ocean's crystal blue reflection. (I really love this stanza. It's so crisp. But it clashes a tad with the way the other stanzas were written. Two of the lines are single words and the last is one long line. It comes off a little off balance.)

Like a mirror
Of the past(,)
Skin so white it served as the best contrast.

A child's death
At the perfect time(,)
No more nights with nursery rhymes.

This place
Was once
My heaven on earth.

But the death
of a child
Gave birth.

Your last line was really simple yet it seemed to carry its strength in so few words, coinciding with the rest of the poem. And the irony was just what made it read off so nicely. I have to say overall I really liked it. It was one of those reads that leaves a nice image in your head with so few words. I commend poets who have that ability.

Nice work I think.
-Smylin'

Hello I think the poem is nice but I think you could improve the flow in some of the stanzas.

For example:

Like a mirror,
Of the past,
Skin so white it serves as the best contrast.

I actually like the above stanza but I think the last sentence could be shortened, this is just my opinion but you could perfectly leave it as it is.

I like the below stanza:

Flower petals,
Tall tree's,
The lovely smell of the sea breeze.

By reading it I can really feel the sea breeze.

Overall nice poem