Society

I lay awake while the worlds asleep , no soothing liquid no pill to take
my vision dulled by orange light the streets alive with screams and fights
the silent fears of those who lied the broken bonds have been re-tied
whilst the worlds asleep I lie and ponder what lies ahead.
the glimmer of the lights of cars and the murmured noise from clubs and bars
these sounds that keep me conscious soon become the sinners conscience

The soulless wonderer within the night, with blooded fist and blood shot eyes
comes creeping in from night before day to keep hidden from the wolves not at bay.
The creeping feet of staggered steps between the house’s right and left
as few have passed and less will know of the soulless traveller that became no more.

The words he says are mumbled at best, his heart is slowing, within his chest
the remains of a broken soul are gone now replaced by not and none
but one traveller does not move on
the helpless soul gone to rest, whilst the body stays to take the test
the nights grow colder every day as winter comes.

He knows he cannot last too long so he tries to change his ways
the lies he told , the things he stole and the tears that were in his name
his family is tattered and broken not spared by the hopeless creature.
But still they love him either way and choose to teach him well the lessons
that all humans learn to live the liars art
to smile and be polite and lie through you’re teeth
they tear us and mould us in to who we are to become
the pampered the beaten down and all the other scum

we carry with us all these lies that help to make us proper
the way that we become ourselves comes from thirty pieces of silver
the lust of man is great and more than his morality
the curse of man is his free will
and free will shall be his downfall.

Hi there, System. First off, welcome to YWS. Wow, I really love this poem. It has some punctuation problems, but it can be corrected. I love the idea you're bringing! Society, society... <3 My favorite subject. xD Lol anyways...

IntergratedSystem wrote:I lay awake while the world's asleep , no soothing liquid no pill to take
Mmy vision dulled by orange light, the streets alive with screams and fights
Tthe silent fears of those who lied the broken bonds have been re-tied
Wwhilst the world's asleep, I lie and ponder what lies ahead.
Tthe glimmer of the lights of cars and the murmured noise from clubs and bars
Tthese sounds that keep me conscious soon become the sinners conscience

The soulless wonderer (wanderer?) within the night, with blooded fist and blood shot eyes
comes creeping in from night before day to keep hidden from the wolves not at bay.
The creeping feet of staggered steps between the house’s right and left
as few have passed, and less will know of the soulless traveller that became no more.

The words he says are mumbled at best, his heart is slowing, within his chest
the remains of a broken soul are gone now replaced by not and none
but one traveller does not move on
the helpless soul gone to rest, whilst the body stays to take the test
the nights grow colder every day as winter comes.

He knows he cannot last too long so he tries to change his ways
the lies he told , the things he stole, and the tears that were in his name
his family is tattered and broken not spared by the hopeless creature.
But still they love him either way and choose to teach him well the lessons
that all humans learn to live the liars art <--(So true <3)
to smile and be polite and lie through you’re teeth
they tear us and mould us in to who we are to become
the pampered the beaten down and all the other scum

we carry with us all these lies that help to make us proper
the way that we become ourselves comes from thirty pieces of silver
the lust of man is great and more than his morality
the curse of man is his free will
and free will shall be his downfall. (I totally agree!)

Really nice poem I like it.

I always love it when I read a poem and the topic is something I agree with. Society is always a good thing to right about because of the nature of it. I love the use of vocabularly, the main issues I have with it is punctuation. My own personal preference is capital letters at the begining of each line, but that's your own preference, I know a lot of poets don't use capital letters much. But there are some lines where you've used a full stop but there's not a capital following it.

whilst the worlds asleep I lie and ponder what lies ahead.
the glimmer of the lights of cars and the murmured noise from clubs and bars

Also there are times where you've written an entire stanza, and the only punctuation you have used is a full stop at the end.

we carry with us all these lies that help to make us proper
the way that we become ourselves comes from thirty pieces of silver
the lust of man is great and more than his morality
the curse of man is his free will
and free will shall be his downfall.

Besides that I absolutely love how you have written it. I like the use of the term 'liar's art', I find it very true.

that all humans learn to live the liars art

I could pick out loads of other lines that I like from this poem, but to be honest, if I did that I could potentially be picking out every line. Well done.

Thank you for the comment, I'm not very punctual when I'm writing but I get my point across enough I think, and any constructive criticism is much appreciated.