Break That Fall{Chapter2}*edited*

Spoiler

So my real life Nick helped me write this.

Chapter 2:
(Nick)
~Singing only keeps me from crying~

She looked beautiful. Even though her eyes were puffy and red. Bit by bit Nick had been able to pull the story out of her, and now they lay on his bed, her face buried in his shoulder.He didn't want her to move. He wanted her to stay there, and stop feeling the pain that was making her cry. He didn’t feel sadness. He felt anger, how could that jerk do this to his… Stop! You can’t think like that! He moved to a more comfortable position, and so did she. Looking into his face.
“Thank you, Nick.”
“You’re welcome, Isis.”
He had called her by that nickname since they both got into Egyptian mythology at the same time.
She smiled slightly, and then her eyes clouded over again with hurt. “Don’t cry,” he said, holding her close.
“I’m done crying. That son of a—“


She was interrupted by Nick’s mom, who had come in on hearing Abigail’s sobs, then left, and now returned with snacks.
“Chocolate ice cream, milk and marshmallows. The recipe to cure a broken heart.” She put the tray down, and stroked Abigail’s hair. “Are you feeling better?”
Abigail nodded, picking up the bowl heaped with scoops of ice cream.
“Good. He isn’t worth your tears. And the one who is, won’t make you cry.” Her eyes flitted to Nick’s face, then back to Abigail’s.
“I’ve heard that somewhere,” Abigail muttered, swirling the melting ice cream around her bowl.
“It’s a quote. And a very wise one to.” On that note, Mrs. Micheals stood up and left the room, winking at Nick as she left.
Nick picked up a bowl of creamy ice cream and spooned it into his mouth, savoring the chocolaty coolness. Abigail snuggled up against him. “Can I stay over here tonight?”
He nodded. She had been doing that a lot lately. Things had been rocky between her and Jake for a while, and she had always come to him. And ended up falling asleep beside him.
Abigail picked up his phone from his bedside table, and dialed her home number.
“Mom? I’m going to stay over at Nick’s house tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow. “
…
“Mom, don’t worry about him. He doesn’t matter.”
…
“I could care less what he says!”
…
“Love you. Good bye!”

As soon as she hung up, she burst into tears.
“What’s the matter?” Nick said, aghast at the new outbreak of tears.
“She said what will Jake ” Abigail wailed
“She didn’t know. Shh, it’s okay. Baby, don’t cry.” He flinched, hoping she didn’t notice the ‘baby’. But no, she was too distraught. “Hey, I have an idea, why don’t we watch the Wizard of Oz?”
She stilled, and then nodded, snuggling against the pillows. Still sniffling.
Nick picked up the DVD that sat with Abigail’s other movies, and inserted it into the DVD slot. Then he went to his popcorn machine and put some in to pop.
Abigail snuggled under his top blanket, and settled back against his arm.

One hundred and one minutes later, Nick glanced down at Abigail. She had fallen asleep, her head nestled on his chest.
He bent down,
Kissing the top of her head.
“Goodnight Princess.”

Hey there, Dramaaaaaaaaa! I'm going to review for you today. I already read the first chapter, I really liked it and this one too. One thing I would say is that I feel like you're rushing the story a little bit. I think that adding more details, like what they were thinking would make it a little bit more interesting. But, other than that it's awesome! *likes*

Nitpicks:

DramaLlama wrote:"thank you Nick,"

"Thank you, Nick." You don't have to put a comma at the end, because you won't say she said/whispered...etc. xD Oh, and there should be a comma before "Nick".

DramaLlama wrote:She was interrupted by Nick’s mom, who had come in on hearing Abigail’s sobs, then left, and now returned with snacks. “Chocolate ice cream, milk and marshmallows.

That is the best mother-in-law ev... ehh... I mean, she was so nice.

DramaLlama wrote:“Mom don’t worry about him. He doesn’t matter.”

There should be a comma after "Mom".

DramaLlama wrote:“She-e said what will Jaaakke think!” Abigail wailed.

Okay, saying "Jaaakke" seems a little unprofessional, to give the touch you wanna give it, you can write Jake in Italics. And I was thinking... maybe you meant she "asked" instead of she "said".

DramaLlama wrote:But no. she was too distraught.

I think you wanted that period to be comma...

DramaLlama wrote:Nicks picked up the dvd that sat with Abigail’s other movies, and inserted it into the dvd slot.

You wrote an "s" after your MC's name. D8 Lol. And I think DVD should be all in caps.

DramaLlama wrote:“Goodnight Princess.”

D'awwww... this family is amazing. xD Lol.

Good job! Keep writing this!!

~Solvy <3

changes
comments

(Nick)
~Singing only keeps me from crying~

She looked beautiful, even though her eyes were puffy and red. Bit by bit, Nick had been able to pull the story out of her, and now they lay on his bed, her face buried in his shoulder. He didn’t want her to move. He wanted her to stay there, and stop feeling the pain that was making her cry. He didn’t feel sadness. He felt anger, how could that jerk do this to his… (Once again, you are starting with he, he, he... it gets monotonous. Suggestion: new ways to start sentences.) Stop! You can’t think like that! He moved to a more comfortable position, and so did she. Looking into his face, she whispered, "Thank you Nick,”
“You’re welcome, Isis."
He had called her by that nickname since they both got into Egyptian mythology at the same time.
She smiled slightly, and then her eyes clouded over again with hurt. “Don’t cry,” he said, holding her close.
“I’m done crying. That son of a—“


She was interrupted by Nick’s mom, who had come in on hearing Abigail’s sobs, then left, and now returned with snacks.
“Chocolate ice cream, milk and marshmallows. The recipe to cure a broken heart.” She put the tray down, and stroked Abigail’s hair. “Are you feeling better?”
Abigail nodded, picking up the bowl heaped with scoops of ice cream.
“Good. He isn’t worth your tears. And the one who is, won’t make you cry.” Her eyes flitted to Nick’s face, then back to Abigail’s.
“I’ve heard that somewhere,” Abigail muttered, swirling the melting ice cream around her bowl.
“It’s a quote. And a very wise one to.” On that note, Mrs. Micheals stood up and left the room, winking at Nick as she left.
Nick picked up a bowl of creamy ice cream and spooned it into his mouth, savoring the chocolaty coolness. Abigail snuggled up against him. “Can I stay over here tonight?”
He nodded. She had been doing that a lot lately. Things had been rocky between her and Jake for a while, and she had always come to him. And ended up falling asleep beside him.
Abigail picked up his phone from his bedside table, and dialed her home number.
“Mom? I’m going to stay over at Nick’s house tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow. “
…
“Mom don’t worry about him. He doesn’t matter.”
…
“I could care less what he says!”
…
“Love you. Good bye!”

As soon as she hung up, she burst into tears.
“What’s the matter?” Nick said, aghast at the new outbreak of tears.
“She-e said what will Jaaake think!” Abigail wailed.
“She didn’t know. Shh, it’s okay. Baby, don’t cry.” He flinched, hoping she didn’t notice the ‘baby’. But no. she was too distraught. “Hey, I have an idea, why don’t we watch the Wizard of Oz?”
She stilled, and then nodded, , still sniffling as she snuggled against the pillows.
Nicks picked up the dvd that sat with Abigail’s other movies, and inserted it into the dvd slot. Then he went to his popcorn machine and put some in to pop.
Abigail snuggled under his top blanket, and settled back against his arm.

One hundred and one minutes later, Nick glanced down at Abigail. She had fallen asleep, her head nestled on his chest.
He bent down, kissing the top of her head.
“Goodnight Princess.”

This is good, and I like it so far. You have some small changes you need to make, though. Again, italicize thoughts. You are starting sentences that aren't really sentences, if that makes sense. Ex. "Kissing the top of her head" is not a complete sentence, neither is "Still sniffling." You need to put a comma on the end of the last sentence or add to these sentences to make them more... sentence-y?

Anyway, pretty good job!

LOOOVVVVVEEE IIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT < yes i had to make it that long, it's how much i love it! I'm so happy for you Drama! And nice use of "God bless this broken road" in the plot, nice touch hope you and your real life Nick have a happy ending! talk to me on chat next time you see me k?

Hey Drama, fictionfanatic here. I really enjoy this book, I truly do, but I feel like you're grocery listing. Like, you keep starting with he he he, she she she, I I I, etc. But other than that, I can't find any mistakes. I really like this, though I'm not sure if it's just because I know it's true or it's the actual story. I don't know. But I wish you and "Nick" a good relationship

I have to say, Drama, I'm usually not much of a romance person, but I saw this was by you and had to read it. I love it so far, I can tell that Abigail and Nick are very close. Please keep writting this, I want to keep reading it! ~Silver

OMG I love it so far! You have me addicted. You need to tell me whenever you update so I can read it right away.

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! This is soooooo cute <3!!!!! I never get this over excited over love stories, but his couple is sooooo freaken cute I can't contain myself!!!!!! Anyway, Nick sounds like a sweet heart and Abigail is very lucky to have such a great guy in her life <3. Can't wait to read more and keep up the amazing work!!!

edited