The Way We Always Were

Hello, Tory here! I just wanna say that I have never written a poem quite like this one so, constructive criticism would be good. In parts I know it can be cliche but I felt I couldn't put the words any other way. Thank you

You leave me for a time.
I miss the way you caressed my cheek,
I miss your fingers raking through my tangled hair.
I miss feeling you physically.

You come back, yet you leave me alone.
Work has to get done.
I miss your kind voice when you payed me close attention,
The way you smiled with love and laughed with heart.
I miss listening to you, as I cling to the emotions you sparingly gave.

Your body and mind, they are sick; weak.
You fear,
You cry,
You dwindle.
I miss your energy and strength.
I miss the way you always shook-it-off and encouraged me to do the same.

I don't miss my grief, anger, and pain,
I don't miss all the times I was desperately crying for you to come near me.
I will shake-it-off, all these burdening emotions from my past and present.

But remember I will always miss you Mom,
That sorrow, I will never shake-off,
Because that pang can only come from our broken love taken away forcefully.

I really liked this poem, it had a lot of feeling to it! The only things that caught my attention were...

You come back, you keep me always alone.
Stuff has to get done.

This didn't make very much sense to me and also seemed a little out of place.

Your body and mind, they are weak.
You fear,
You cry,
You dwindle.
I miss your energy and strength.

Here you're saying that the person is weak, but then you go to say that you miss the strength. Just a little confusing, but I know strength and weakness can have a lot of different meanings, so it still works okay. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

The way you smiled with love and laughed with heart.
I miss listening to you, as I cling to the emotions you sparingly gave.

I was desperately crying for you to come near me.

Because that pang can only come from our broken love taken away forcefully.

These were some of my favorite lines! Overall, I liked your poem. Keep it up!

<..> Kat

Hi! Thank you for the review, it helped when you(the reader) explained what you got from the poem. I have edited some parts to make them more understandable. Oh and the word weak in this poem means sick/ill, I should have made that clear sorry. This is the most emotional piece I have EVER written so I was very nervous about the response, I was actually crying when I wrote this so yeah lets just say I was kinda pouring my heart out lol. And again thank you for such a gracious and honest review.

-Tory