Summer

6 posts
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Gender Female
Points 4120
Reviews 83
This was a school assignment last year and not my favorite poem I've written at all. It was my first try at this style of poem, though, so I just wanted to see what I did right or wrong. The style is a little strange to anyone who hasn't read Cummings' poetry, but it was intentional.

Finally summer is near and the pond is

clear and cool and
the green grass
spreads far and w i d e
so I’llrun across the emerald ground

soon, summer comes

when we’ll be sleeping late and
swimming for hours and
the green grass will spread far and w i d e
so we will play out of doors

summer is here

when the sun is bright-and-hot-and-shining down
and childrendash to soak up the warmth and scream at nothing

grandparents smile knowingly at the other
and mothers wait for their babies to come inside for cold lemonade
and all the men play golf where the green grass
spreads out far and w i d e

when the warm season arrives

everybody will be Joyful for the break
after the chilly and wet time
that seems so far away
from the Happy days

when the green grass spreads out far and wide
summer
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Gender Male
Points 3528
Reviews 94
Solid. The subject matter is tired, but this successfully treats it as fresh and interesting. Free verse, though wonderful, isn't very surprising, and nowadays I see more of it than any other style (just a comment on your disclaimer). A note on line breaks: I find that ending lines on prepositions or conjunctions (with the exception of "yet") weakens them and disturbs the rhythm of the poem. Something about this makes it fail to resonate with me... I just feel as though I've read this all before far too often; granted, that's just my reaction - others may very well find this highly interesting and new.

Overall, this is a good piece that can be made even better. Keep writing!
Formerly 'ilyaeelz.' Others experiment with drugs. I experiment with punctuation and grammar.

"Research your own experiences for the truth, absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is specifically your own." - Bruce Lee




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Gender Female
Points 540
Reviews 10
This is rather good actually, true, it is overused, but you make it work =D
Just a hint, be careful because at the start you miss spaces, and i'm not sure if it's there for affect, but it just annoyed me. Check over your spelling too =)
Ok, that's the end of my relatively short rant.
Quest
a promise sealed with a teardrop...




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4120
Reviews 83
Just a hint, be careful because at the start you miss spaces, and i'm not sure if it's there for affect, but it just annoyed me. Check over your spelling too =)

It was intentional, mostly because my teacher told the class to do it. :)
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Gender Female
Points 2630
Reviews 56
i really like this poem! is it intentional that you put some words together and left spaces between others? if it was, it worked well because it was always where i tended to read fast anyways. i am also wondering if you meant to capatilize Happy and Joyful. ? is this because you want to put extr emphasize? i like the simple, easy style and not too many big, exhausting words. it was fun to read and flowed well. if you don't like this poem then i can't wait to read soem of the ones you do like!
-Cammie
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to persue them" -Walt Disney
:-)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4120
Reviews 83
Thanks for the reviews! It was intentional, so I'm glad it kind of worked.
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As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.
— Calvin