Remembering Emily Chapter 3

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry," The girl mumbled as she patted her pockets for something. She pulled out a tissue and began dabbing her eyes gently.

I didn't know what to say, it was obvious that she was upset I couldn't remember her. I couldn't find anything that could comfort her. At least she didn't try to smother me with her hugs and call me her 'poor baby'. Although I don't think I would have minded too much if she had given me a little hug. Unlike my 'mom' she had a very faint, sweet scent about her.

The girl seemed to have regained her composure. She managed a small smile. "I'm Emily," she said very calmly.

Emily...I repeated the name over and over again in my mind, what a cute name. I smiled at her best I could without wincing. The pain medication was wearing off. "And are you my...."

"Friend," she said quickly,"A very close friend."

She couldn't hide the tear that slowly fell from her eye.

"Well, is there anything I could do to make you more comfortable?" She asked in a extra cheerful voice.

"No no, that's alright." I said trying to sit up. Big mistake...I discovered two ribs were broken in the most unpleasent way. I yelped and froze in my spot.

"Oh...here, let me help you!" Said Emily as she rushed to my side. She put one hand on my back and the other to support my head. Her touch sent shivers down my spine.

She sat me up gently and amazingly I didn't feel any pain. "Thank you" I whispered, I couldn't help but stare at her. She was like an angel.

She looked at me with her sparkly eyes and suddenly looked distressed. "I'm sorry, I mean, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, like I was trying to seduce you or anything I was just trying..."

"No no no...it's okay! Thanks for your help!" I didn't want to seem like I enjoyed it too much, but I didn't want her to think I didn't like it. This was all so confusing. I was just upsetting people more than I was helping.

Emily turned away, "Okay...I hope you feel better soon." She turned to leave.

I didn't want her to go, "wait! Could you help me with one more thing?"

"Yes?" She asked looking more hopeful.

"Uhh, this is going to sound kind of strange...but could you help me remember my name?" I asked with a small smile.

Suddenly Emily burst out laughing, " Of course!" She said in between fits of laughter. "It's Jake, Jake Thompson."

I was glad I could make her laugh. She had a very nice laugh, It was contagious.

"Jake?" I asked playfully. "What kind of name is Jake?"

Emily giggled, "Goodbye Jake." And with that she walked out the door.

The old man in the corner of the room just grunted...

Omg! I was waiting Very cute!
I think you should tell us(the readers) what emily looks like, if Jake says she is an angel she must be pretty.

She couldn't hide the tear that slowly fell from her eye.

Loved that line so much, I believe I gave a small pout face when I read that.
One error.
You forgot the period in some places, just read over to check.

Also why 3 1/2? Why not just 3?

Cute chapter, It was short though. I know you get that alot, maybe add more description.

I'm waiting for chapter four!

You must keep writing this story!!!! If you don't, well...I know where you live!!! *threatens you with a water noodle*

You make a lot of the same grammer mistakes over and over again, so I'm just going to say that all my previous pointers on your punctuation still apply. As well, you often confuse your comma and period placement.

I didn't want her to go, "wait! Could you help me with one more thing?"

Here, there should be a period after "I didn't want her to go." Also, wait needs to be capitalized:
I didn't want her to go. "Wait! ..."

I find it a little dull to read that Emily is an angel. She seems like a very one-dimensional character. She's overwhelmingly goergeous and her personality seems simply saint-like. She doesn't seem at all like a real person. Even beautiful people have physical quirks (a mole, a scar, a feature that is slightly too big/too small). Personality-wise, Emily needs something interesting about her to make a reader believe she is worthy of Jake's devotion. Being pretty is not enough. Right now, to me she seems lacklustre. Maybe she needs to talk really quickly, or bite her nails, or always carry a book.
One tip I find that helps me creating realistic characters is that, especially in romance, most female readers want to imagine themselves in the role of the herione, or at least identify with her. With a character as perfect as Emily, that's really difficult. If you imagine Emily as living, breathing friend of yours, maybe it will help to give her dimension.

I do like the romance, however. It's sweet.

Hi,

Get writing. Right now. Quit reading this and write. What are waiting for?! Go!

Farewell,
A.