An Old House.

A/N: Hey Guys, This is one of my first works uploaded on here, i hope you enjoy, and please review. -- Black Ink. x.

An old, old house,
Bound to the street,
Where people passed by,
And two ends did meet.
With the darting eyes,
And a quick pace,
Shuffling steps,
And a pale face.
She approached the stairs,
Her steps unsteady,
She reached her hand out,
Her feet getting ready.
To run from what,
May be her demise,
From what lurk inside,
And the blood thirsty cries.
Here comes the child,
With the long blonde hair,
The house creeping in,
With the claws of a bear.
Come ye children,
Come no more,
For it will arise,
Like never before.

One suggestion that I may add is to separate the piece into stanza's, I've found that by doing that it gives me more clarity on what I am trying to get across I also found just some minor grammatical errors. Here's an example of what could be done:

An old, old house,
bound to the street. Not each phrase needs to end in a comma poetry grammar is not any different that normal grammar.
Where people pass by,
And two ends meet.

With darting eyes, and a quick pace;
Shuffling steps, and a pale face.

This poem is emotionally astounding! I recommend looking up poets like Poe and Wordsworth and soaking in the way they used grammar to enhance the message they were trying to get across. I loved the raw talent I felt as I read this piece. Remember one must never cease to try and improve oneself. I'd love to see you top this!

Hey I like this poem... The mystery, the use of words and everything...

I just have a question, did you intentionally did not separate this poem into stanzas?
Well for me it was beautiful this way

Yes,
i purposely did not put them into stanza's. Thanks toto for your advice. Reviews like these are massively encouraged and loved.

--- Black Ink x.

Well, I'm not sure what this poem is supposed to mean, and still am not getting any clues after re-reading it, but...it may just be me, but I really don't get the message or meaning of this piece.

BlackInk wrote:An old, old house,
Bound to the street,
Where people passed by, Maybe change 'passed' to 'pass'.
And two ends did meet. You could take out the 'did'.
With the darting eyes,
And a quick pace, Take out the 'and'.
Shuffling steps,
And a pale face. Good description here.
She approached the stairs,
Her steps unsteady,
She reached her hand out,
Her feet getting ready.
To run from what, Unnecessary comma.
May be her demise,
From what lurk inside, 'Lurk' should be changed to 'lurks'.
And the blood thirsty cries. Taking out unnecessary 'ands' condenses poetry, and makes it more enjoyable, you could take this 'and' out.
Here comes the child,
With the long blonde hair,
The house creeping in,
With the claws of a bear.
Come ye children,
Come no more,
For it will arise,
Like never before.

Ok, as I said, I have NO idea what you're talking about, and sorry if my review is pathetically horrible!

Thanks Mathews,
im not so good at writing poems as i am stories, because i have no idea how to rhyme or anything. The poem is meant to give the impression of a monsterous beast house that when peole enter they never are seen again, kind of like a haunted house i guess. The grammer help is muchly appreciated. I really appreciate your review as ithelps me to become a better writer.

Sincerly,
Black Ink. x.

I like this poem! It's very scary and exciting at the same time. Reminds me of a Doctor Who episode, but that's my nerdiness coming on. I like how you gave it a almost blah beginning "It's just a house," type of feel then make a twist on it. Very creative.

Thanks Heaps. DOnt wory, being a nerd is cool, i find nerdy peoople cute

Ooooohhhh, this is really mysterious and suspenseful! (^.^) I love it! THe only problem I had with it was...

To run from what,May be her demise,From what lurk inside,And the blood thirsty cries.

Why the comma after "what"? you don't have to use punctuation after every line break, and the good news for the art form is, you shouldn't! Bahaha It's still really good, though. Keep writing!