This one's for the girls...

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1274
Reviews 29
Spoiler
This is a poem about how through out the years we went to school on Valentines day, what we did, how we acted, and what we wished. It is about from the start, we didn't give it a thought, all we thought about was food, and now, how we wish for... boys, love, and kisses.
This one is for the girls, who have had similar experiences. Who have lived without holding back, who have dreamed with everything they had, then gotten crushed.
A message to all you girls... Don't give up after 1 guy.
As they all say "tis better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all."


Kindergarden-
our mom's dressed us up in red and white.
We had a party and got valentines,
didn't give guys a single thought.
Our best friends were dolls and teddy bears.

First grade-
Same as before, but picking out our own clothes.
Shoes on the wrong feet, dress inside out.
Headband with hearts bobbling.
Everyone is dressed the same.

Second grade-
Walk off the bus, bag in hand.
Get to class and deliver valentines.
have a party, dance, eat to much, and throw up.
Have your mom pick you up, and while you wait, eat more.

Third grade-
Butterflies in your stomach, you get to class.
See if there is anything on your desk, there isn't.
laugh and talk with friends, shyly flirt with guys.
White dress with hearts, black Mary Janes.

Fourth grade-
You get to class, and OMG. Whats that on your desk?
A note from a secret person, a card, and a small stuffed dog.
Prance around the room, showing it off, trying to figure out who it is from.
Ends up being some guy who you didn't know existed, but you go out anyway.

Fifth grade-
Cute dress, smile with all of your teeth.
Try to ask a guy to dance, but the same guy is being asked out by everyone.
A nerd plucks up the courage and asks to dance.
You don't give him the light of day, but later say sorry, and dance.

Sixth grade-
First thing you do, is drop off homemade cookies.
Second thing, tell your friend to tell the guy that you like, that you like him.
Third thing, find out he doesn't like you, but some weird guy who has asked you out every day does.
Fourth thing, run out crying.

Seventh grade-
Cute expensive shirt, skinny jeans and Uggs.
Fashion has changed a lot since before, and your mom's granny clothes don't cut it.
No cards, just a dance, with a lame Dj, warm punch, guys chasing girls.
Try to get a guy to notice you, then find out your so called "friend" likes him too.

Eighth grade-
Uh, whatever was in your closet, didn't bother dressing up. You look the same as always.
Finally, a boyfriend to shower you with gifts. Lets see...
The wrong flower, a cheesy note saying "I love you..." and all that crap, a stuffed frog (??????)
and a small box of candy, half eaten, with a note that says "I heard girls don't eat much, so I helped you out."

Ninth grade-
Same as seventh, actually bought something nice, but not too nice, to wear.
Even better, Prince Charming. Another dress, great decorations, a real DJ.
Your boy friend, holds you tight, whispers sweet things in your ear, tells you he will never let go.
You make out under the bleachers. (the dance is in the gym).

Tenth grade-
Same boyfriend as last year, but way worse of an experience.
Tells you he woke up and realized he didn't feel the same way.
You catch him kissing some other girl later on, and find out he has been cheating on you for 2 weeks now.
Spend the entire time in the girls bathroom, crying your heart out.

Eleventh grade-
Why bother?

Twelfth grade-
Figure "Heck, its the last Valentines day, in school, not college. Might as well."
Spend the time on the sidelines, watching boys, boys, and boys.
Get asked out twice, say yes to the second one.
Best day ever... need I say more?

College, all 4 years-
Different boyfriend each time... same old stuff. Damn. What a boring life.
Starts out sweet, then your boyfriend gets drunk.
You get cussed out, after being forced to do uh... stuff.
Needless, to say, he isn't your boyfriend anymore.

The rest of your frickin boring life-
Your kids wake you up with burnt toast, undercooked bacon, and uh, purple eggs?
A box of chocolates, giant stuffed animal.
A kiss here and there, from your husband.
Spend the rest of the day in bed crying, watching sad old Valentines day movies.

Now, If you life isn't like this now, then make sure it never will be. Its one hell of a life, just not one you want to live...
I have no idea what to put so I am writing random things. There. That should be enough.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 10997
Reviews 229
cassidyrose wrote:
Spoiler
This is a poem about how through out the years we went to school on Valentines day, what we did, how we acted, and what we wished. It is about from the start, we didn't give it a thought, all we thought about was food, and now, how we wish for... boys, love, and kisses.
This one is for the girls, who have had similar experiences. Who have lived without holding back, who have dreamed with everything they had, then gotten crushed.
A message to all you girls... Don't give up after 1 guy.
As they all say "tis better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all."


Kindergarden-
our mom's dressed us up in red and white.
We had a party and got valentines,
didn't give guys a single thought.
Our best friends were dolls and teddy bears.

First grade-
Same as before, but picking out our own clothes.
Shoes on the wrong feet, dress inside out.
Headband with hearts bobbling.
Everyone is dressed the same.

Second grade-
Walk off the bus, bag in hand.
Get to class and deliver valentines.
have a party, dance, eat to much, and throw up.
Have your mom pick you up, and while you wait, eat more.

Third grade-
Butterflies in your stomach, you get to class.
See if there is anything on your desk, there isn't.
laugh and talk with friends, shyly flirt with guys.
White dress with hearts, black Mary Janes.

Fourth grade-
You get to class, and OMG. Whats that on your desk?
A note from a secret person, a card, and a small stuffed dog.
Prance around the room, showing it off, trying to figure out who it is from.
Ends up being some guy who you didn't know existed, but you go out anyway.

Fifth grade-
Cute dress, smile with all of your teeth.
Try to ask a guy to dance, but the same guy is being asked out by everyone.
A nerd plucks up the courage and asks to dance.
You don't give him the light of day, but later say sorry, and dance.

Sixth grade-
First thing you do, is drop off homemade cookies.
Second thing, tell your friend to tell the guy that you like, that you like him.
Third thing, find out he doesn't like you, but some weird guy who has asked you out every day does.
Fourth thing, run out crying. Been there, done that.

Seventh grade-
Cute expensive shirt, skinny jeans and Uggs.
Fashion has changed a lot since before, and your mom's granny clothes don't cut it.
No cards, just a dance, with a lame Dj, warm punch, guys chasing girls.
Try to get a guy to notice you, then find out your so-called "friend" likes him too.

Eighth grade-
Uh, whatever was in your closet, didn't bother dressing up. You look the same as always.
Finally, a boyfriend to shower you with gifts. Lets see...
The wrong flower, a cheesy note saying "I love you..." and all that crap, a stuffed frog (??????)
and a small box of candy, half eaten, with a note that says "I heard girls don't eat much, so I helped you out."

Ninth grade-
Same as seventh, actually bought something nice, but not too nice, to wear.
Even better, Prince Charming. Another dress, great decorations, a real DJ.
Your boyfriend, holds you tight, whispers sweet things in your ear, tells you he will never let you go.
You make out under the bleachers. (the dance is in the gym).

Tenth grade-
Same boyfriend as last year, but way worse of an experience.
Tells you he woke up and realized he didn't feel the same way.
You catch him kissing some other girl later on, and find out he has been cheating on you for 2 weeks now.
Spend the entire time in the girls bathroom, crying your heart out.

Eleventh grade-
Why bother? Hmm, why indeed?

Twelfth grade-
Figure "Heck, its the last Valentines day, in school, not college. Might as well."
Spend the time on the sidelines, watching boys, boys, and boys.
Get asked out twice, say yes to the second one.
Best day ever... need I say more?

College, all 4 years-
Different boyfriend each time... same old stuff. Damn. What a boring life.
Starts out sweet, then your boyfriend gets drunk.
You get cussed out, after being forced to do uh... stuff.
Needless, to say, he isn't your boyfriend anymore.

The rest of your frickin' boring life-
Your kids wake you up with burnt toast, undercooked bacon, and uh, purple eggs?
A box of chocolates, giant stuffed animal.
A kiss here and there, from your husband.
Spend the rest of the day in bed crying, watching sad, old Valentines day movies.

Now, If you life isn't like this now, then make sure it never will be. Its one hell of a life, just not one you want to live...


Well, that was cute.. I can relate alright, even if I never actually got the honor to get approached by the boys until high school. I must say if you've had all those boyfriends, you've been pretty lucky.. well lucky, is it really? It might have been at the time, until you look back and realize it wasn't really worth it, eh?
Great poem, made me think a lot, about my experiences, about some special people, about how much love takes a big place in our lives. Thanks!

Keep on writing!

-Truth-
.- <3 -.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 972
Reviews 39
The ideas behind your storyline is interesting but your communication of it is a bit to casual.
You need to either phrase everything in a poetic form or have it set out in paragraphs so it can be a short story.
I would also like to advice that you implement a deeper insight to the nature of this life. You may find it easier to produce this through use of metaphors, similes, imagery and other poetic devices which your readers will also benifit from. Not only would this allow you to express a more complex version of the emotions involved in each stage of this persons life but you will also find that the readers will become more intrigued and enjoy the story as a whole a lot more.
Aside from these few suggestions I would like to praise you on the way you have chosen to discribe modern-day relationships; it is an interesting approach to a theme that has been written extremely often.

- Good luck with future writing!




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 300
Reviews 0
I really like the idea behind it but it needs different word choice and maybe a tiny ryme sceam to brighten it up just a tad to make attractive to the eye. I felt it was somewhat boring and not catchy.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1021
Reviews 32
I think what would make your poem oh so much better would be a rhyming scheme. Because it feels like your going for the cute/funny poem that people can relate to. However, it's not as organised as it could be. It feels like this is a brainstorm for an actual poem. Either way I like it! it's cute and I CAN relate to some of them! :D
Love,
LittleLionWoman
"Think Sideways" -Edward De Bono



There’s always a story. It’s all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything’s got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.
— Terry Pratchett