Fire and Ice

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--> wow! you should know that this poem is so fantastic. and I like the rhythm, message and everything! :O owh- zahh mm!!

Wow! Very enchanting! I think your poem does more than just scratch the surface of romance- it gives an in depth look. I also liked how, in a way, your poem sort of gave the message that opposites do attract, that this is necessary to balance each other out. Great work!

Well, first off you should know that I love this poem, it was very powerful. It had great imagery and emotion! Good job, especially for your first time posting.

This girl is Fire and I am Ice, (nice parallel here)
She radiates warmth- and I cold to entice. (where there is a dash, you could put a line break, if you wanted, so that the next line starts with "and I cold to entice". Even though technicaly "I cold to entice" doesn't make sense gramatically . . . I like it in this context so I'm gunna leave it alone : ) )
She melts my heart- I freeze her soul,
She likes the heat- and I the cold.

A hypnotic dance like Yin and Yang,
The closer we get- louder our hearts bang. (insert a "the" before louder)
She warms her touch- I cool my lips,
Our energies collide- a passionate kiss. (nice!)

She warms my heart- it starts to thaw,
I cool her lips- tears start to fall. (thaw and fall don't rhyme . . .)
Blazing heat she pulls away,
Freezing cold I dare not stay.

My hands go numb- down to the bone,
I continue to freeze and slowly turn to stone. (the slowly makes the sentence a little too awkwardly long)She continues to flare as she walks on back,
Her eyes turn to ash- a most beautiful black. (yeah for imagery!)

A new sensation fills my heart,
My heart turns to fire- my blood starts to dart. (the my heart is repeated twice in these two sentences, so the second one should be an it, I think)
I break out free from my icy Hell,
I grabbed her hands, in love we fell.

The dance of Fire and Ice is done,
Once two energies now turned to one.
To crystal we turned from energy pure,
In kiss and locked hands forever more.

Over all, amazing poem. Keep writing! If I were you I would work on my line breaks. The poem's flow was good, but it could have been great with breaks in the right places. Good poem, Yeah for you!! : )

This girl is Fire and I am Ice,
She radiates warmth- and I cold to entice. This confused me. How do you cold to entice?
She melts my heart- I freeze her soul,
She likes the heat- and I the cold. Very nice rythm!

A hypnotic dance like Yin and Yang,
The closer we get- louder our hearts bang. Put "the" before louder.
She warms her touch- I cool my lips,
Our energies collide- a passionate kiss.

She warms my heart- it starts to thaw,
I cool her lips- tears start to fall.
Blazing heat she pulls away, Putting a comma after heat would make more sense.
Freezing cold I dare not stay. Again, comma after cold.

My hands go numb- down to the bone,
I continue to freeze and slowly turn to stone.
She continues to flare as she walks on back,
Her eyes turn to ash- a most beautiful black. Love! ^.^

A new sensation fills my heart, [b] This line feels too long!
My heart turns to fire- my blood starts to dart. Starts to dart? That is confusing.
I break out free from my icy Hell, Take out the "out" and you don't have to capitilize hell.
I grabbed her hands, in love we fell. You change from present to past...

The dance of Fire and Ice is done,
Once two energies now turned to one.
To crystal we turned from energy pure, I don't know if you aiming to make the whole stanza rhyme but this stands out and energy pure sounds strange.
In kiss and locked hands forever more. Kiss and locked hands falls heavy... It makes the flow uneasy.

I love the idea of this poem! It's so cute and a very original idea. Keep writing Just change up some of this stuff and pretty soon your poem will be perfect

Absolutely love this! I especially enjoy the story that you're telling. There is a ton of emotion hidden in it that just makes the poem that much better. Your rhythm was superb, as was your word choice. Great job here! I can't wait to read more! :)

This is completely spectacular!
i agree with the above critiques, about grammatical changes and altering the flow in some places... and there's nothing i really have to say other than to just tell you that i am thouroughly impressed with this piece! The emotion was really evident and it had a melancholy happiness to it, which, in my opinion is the best element of the poem.
*follow*
Keep writing!!

-PurpleHeart

thank you all for your critiques! I'm glad you all liked it

This girl is Fire and I am Ice,She radiates warmth- and I cold to entice.She melts my heart- I freeze her soul,She likes the heat- and I the cold.A hypnotic dance like Yin and Yang,The closer we get- louder our hearts bang.She warms her touch- I cool my lips,Our energies collide- a passionate kiss.She warms my heart- it starts to thaw,I cool her lips- tears start to fall.Blazing heat she pulls away,Freezing cold I dare not stay.My hands go numb- down to the bone,I continue to freeze and slowly turn to stone.She continues to flare as she walks on back,Her eyes turn to ash- a most beautiful black.A new sensation fills my heart,My heart turns to fire- my blood starts to dart.I break out free from my icy Hell,I grabbed her hands, in love we fell.The dance of Fire and Ice is done,Once two energies now turned to one.To crystal we turned from energy pure,In kiss and locked hands forever more.

Wow! This is a great, awesome, fantastic, super, amazing, poem! The ryming was very good and not awkward at all. in fact it was so good i didn't even notice it until the second to last stanza! The rythm was also perfect. And comparing the two peopel to fire and ice wasa great idea because there are so many ways to describe what fire and ice can do to each other. this was great! thanks for reading my reveiw.
~Cammie~

your poem was fantastic! i thought it was absolutely cute as well as thoughtfully written. keep up the good work

thank you so much I'm glad you liked the poem!