So They Say

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He was her prince charming,
Or so they say -
He was always there for her,
He'd never walk away.

She was the girl
Strong at heart;
Yet he could so easily
Tear her apart.

Guys like him, she thought,
They never stay.
They lie, they cheat,
They steal, betray.

And yet somehow,
Over seconds, days, weeks,
She began to fall
For his techniques.

She couldn't believe it,
Not at all;
She'd be ready to meet him-
But she'd stutter, she'd stall.

She'd convince herself,
It was only a dream.
She was making up lies,
Betrayals and schemes.

And just when she'd finally decide
To let him go,
Let him out of her life,
He'd say hello-

She'd rethink her decision,
Go back to square one,
Unable to let go,
Unable to run.

But as love stories go,
This may be the worst;
She opened her eyes,
And found it all cursed.

He was her prince charming,
They used to say,
He tried so hard,
But left anyway.

He'd waited long enough,
But could no longer stay.
There was nothing left for them -
He was sick of halfway.

She turned left to meet him -
And he turned right,
Leaving her in the dust,
Alone in the night.

As it turns out,
He came back in a day;
He couldn't leave knowing
He'd left her that way.

Late that night,
He walked down the street,
Wondering what to say,
Only staring at his feet.

If he'd looked up,
Perhaps he'd have moved,
Perhaps he'd have reacted,
His chances improved-

But he didn't notice,
Didn't see,
Let happen what they say
Was meant to be.

The car struck his side,
And he fell to his knees,
Crumbled on the sidewalk,
There his life ceased.

He died, they say,
With a note in his hand,
Adressed to her,
Written promises grand.

Driving that car was
A drunken young girl,
Too tired to see,
Too lost in her world.

As the story goes,
She drove that night,
Drunken and angry,
She killed him outright.

She doesn't remember,
Not a single part,
But she cried for him anyway,
His death tore at her heart.

He was her prince charming,
Or so they say -
They didn't expect his life
To end that way.

***

I'm new here, so I hope this is the right place to post this, was torn between dramatic and narrative. All critiques are appreciated. :)
Last edited by xoCairo on Thu Apr 21, 2011 6:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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If you ever post anything in the wrong area, moderators will relocate it for you if they notice. I've done it by accident, like posting a novel in a short story section and you just send them a PM if you realize it (They're in green I think). Then they'll move it.

I like this poem. It has a good flow. I love the progression and the details. I can't really critique it you did a really good job on it. Others will find something. Poetry isn't my profession though. :) Hope to see more of your work soon! Don't forget to review too!
90% of writing is re-writing!




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SHOOT BETTER WRITER THAN ME LOL KEEP WRITING AWSOME POEM DO WHAT U DO BEST LOL K LIKE I SAID AWSOME POEM




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hey that was so nice....i loved the way it all went...it was great keep up the joob job and you can check out my poetry as well..if you might like.i just write what i feel and im not inclined towards writing poetry with perfection im not i can do that!...but anyways you've done fantastically well!!




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A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. That was like Pure Awesome. You really have a gift. Great Fluency, Word Choice, very cleaver. I loved every bit! The ending was especially spectacular! it was so dramatic and exciting at the same time. just one of those cleaver moments when you feel like that was just really good. I know I probably sound all strange, but it's hard to describe. ANYWAYS! Great job! :D
"Think Sideways" -Edward De Bono



Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.
— J.K. Rowling