Where are you?

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Wrote this on a random burst of inspiration. It's unedited. No crushing please :smt003

Where are you?
I'm looking, but I can't see you.
You promised you’d always
Be there for me.

Where are you?
I squint harder in the darkness
Trying to catch a glimpse of
Your beautiful face.

Where are you?
I look through the crowd
Dressed in black.

Your mother’s crying,
Your father’s stony and silent,
Your friends are shocked.
“How could she do this?”

I see you.
But you’re not really there.
She’s just an empty shell
Of the woman you used to be.

Her eyes are closed,
Her soft lips parted.
I lean down to kiss her,
But I can’t.

I know it won’t be the same.
WARNING:My avatar contains copious amounts of Duke Devlin. Women with heart conditions are not advised to look directly at Duke Devlin. This also goes for women without heart conditions.
He's very pretty. See? See how pretty he is? He's VERY pretty.




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In my opinion it should be
IT'S just an empty shell
and
ITS eves are closed, ITS soft lips parted
Just my opinion
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel




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i liked it, but i ddnt really get the point. what hppnd to her to make her an empty shell? how will things never be the same again? keep writing!
"What is dead my never die, but rises again, larger and stronger..."

*Ride like Lightening, crash like Thunder*


"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies..."




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Contrary to what others have said I think this is a great poem! :D

I saw no grammatical problems (yay) and the only thing I'll comment on is...
From this line:
Your friends are shocked.

To this line:
Her eyes are closed,

The lines in between are kinda weird...

Other than that the emotion and flow are great :D

Good job Shay ;)

Keep writing,
Alzora
"Just remember there's a difference between stalking people on the internet, and going to their house and cutting their skin off." - Jenna Marbles

~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~




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I honestly don't get what's going on here, did the person you love commit suicide? Because that's all i can come up with....
anyways.. these lines kind of didn't quite fit in my opinion

"Where are you?
I look through the crowd
Dressed in black."


what was the point of these lines? I think you should just take out the stanza....
It had great imagery, just work on putting across your point a bit more :D




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I think you should make it more clear what happened. I understand you want to make it mysterious, but mysterious and confusing are two different things. Be more clear about what happened to her - don't say it but let the reader imagine it. Also, you could consider using some more descriptive words; you need a continuing image, or metaphor or something, to work throughout the poem. It's a good start, and it has potential, but if you read it a couple of times over and looked back on it, you could make it much better.
Being children of a cruel reality, we fall prey to the greater powers.
To envy.
To madness.
Betrayal.
Love.
And yet without these things, we cannot remain human. Without these things, we are nothing.
But it is the greatest sacrifice. To envy. To be mad. To betray. To love.
To be human.



*gestures in butterfly meme*
— BluesClues