A Letter to a Valentine

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Why no, I didn’t mean what I said
In that worthless piece of—

Paper that I folded and scented and sent to you
On Valentine’s Day.

Of course I didn’t mean it when I said
That your voice was seeping into my soul
And mending all the cracks that threaten to break me.

Or that your smile was like rain on my parched heart,
And that your eyes were the stars of my night sky.

Alright, I’m sorry that I wrote you down as a cliché.

You know you’re nothing like the hackneyed phrases
I used in that letter,
You know that I can’t envelope you in a metaphor
And seal it with some bad poetry.

I didn’t mean a word of it, I swear.

Well, except the part where I told you that I
Loved you.
That part, I actually did
Mean.
Last edited by KnightlyAngel09 on Tue Feb 15, 2011 2:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you.:)




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I like the ending. xP This made my day.

-Cressy
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(




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It's a good idea. This is supposed to flow like someone's actual thoughts (and I like that), I know. But it still seems too choppy for poetry. 'Mean' on the end should be brought up with the line about it. The smiley at the end makes the ending seem less sincere and more comical. Is that what you were going for?

"You know you’re nothing like the hackneyed phrases" I really liked this line.
"Paper that I folded and scented and sent to you" I get 'scented' but I don't really like it in this line.

Cute idea, great potential.
So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra....




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This was great. I loved the ending. Keep writing! :D
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A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell

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Wow. That was awesome.

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:Paper that I folded, scented and sent to you
On Valentine’s Day.


I think that a comma there would make it look a little bit better.
But that's just my opinion. :)




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KnightlyAngel09, I thought this was great!It was different, which is what really got me. You were still able to confess and show the feelings of true love, but it wasn't cliche` or deja vu. I love the fact that it highlights that most love poetry out there is cliche` and a lot of poems just end up saying the same thing. It seems people get too caught up in repeating emotions of love.

Tips? Maybe just try to make it flow a little better and smooth it out a bit. Otherwise, really good. At the end you say that "I love you" was the part you truly meant. I love the simplicity of the last few lines and they basically sum up what a love poem should be. It shouldn't always be dwelling on a person's eyes or how they speak. We've heard it all before. All these poems should revolve around are three words; "I love you."

Lovely.

Miyakko.




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i like how you end it

Well, except the part where I told you that I
Loved you.
That part, I actually did
Mean.
~jenjen

i love you. and won't get tired of saying i love you.

jheron



You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author