Demon Dancer

At first it was a simple bow,
A step and then a twirl.
They looked on in awe and wondered how
Evil had entrapped this innocent girl.

She was struck with a deadly mark,
And it was too late to run.
So when she turned to face the dark,
They knew the dance had begun.

Hurtful whispers sounded in her ears
As she continued to gracefully spin.
The war had raged for many years,
But she was determined to win.

He beat her down and repeatedly discouraged her
Until each motion was an effort too great.
The struggle was often too much for the dancer
And she thought that defeat would be her fate.

Eventually he wore her down;
Satan had the victim on her knees.
Her leaps were stopped as she fell to the ground,
And he ignored her helpless pleas.

"The ballerina of the lost,"he mocked her with the name.
The music became sinister screams.
Her beautiful movements were cast down with shame,
And her world was ripped apart at the seams.

Fear and depression consumed her head;
Her heart was torn, and her soul was chained.
She believed the only way out of this endless dread
Was to let the devil take any life that remained.

She became a puppet to the fire,
But inside she begged for someone to help her.
So when the need for release became dire,
It seemed as if death was the only answer.

Satan laughed in macabre glee
While the life drained out of her veins.
In his triumph he was too blind to see
The one that destroyed her chains.

Miraculous hands cut each string
That bound her in a dance not her own.
The song was silenced that demons sing
And the dancer was no longer alone.

The light picked her up to stand again;
Satan wept at the amazing sight.
Her fear was gone, as were her sins,
As God took on her fight.

His arms held her and they spun together
Knocking the devil to the floor.
Their dance was light as air, soft as a feather,
And her darkness existed no more.

The power of good caused her wounds to heal
And rid her of evil's mark, so cold.
"The ballerina of the found" on her knees then kneeled
To watch God complete a dance centuries old.

She danced with her demons, and finally won
What she had thought was an impossible fight,
Now she joyfully dances with the son
Of everything that is good and right.

At first it was a simple bow,
A step and then a twirl.
They looked on in awe and were amazed at how
Evil could not touch this saved dancing girl.


~Morgan3509

Miraculous hands cut the strings
That bound her in a dance not her own.
The song was silenced that demons sing Strings and sing doesn't rhyme and this part just caught my eye when I read it because it just disrupted the flow of the poem.
And the dancer was no longer alone.

"The ballerina of the found" on her knees then kneeled This sounds awkward because you say "knees" and then you say "kneeled" which sound to similiar, I guess. Perhaps say something like "stopped" or just pick another verd.
To watch God complete a dance centuries old.

She danced with her demons, and finally won
What she had thought was an impossible fight,
Now she dances with the son
Of everything good and right. These last two lines here are much too short because your first 2 lines are longer and then it's almost like your saying, "Refrigerator, Refrigeratior, Me, Me,". Okay, maybe a bad example but I just wanted to show the length of each line and how it didn't fit. Possibly make them longer...

Overall, I really liked the rhyme scheme and the poem itself. Reading this, I was blown away at many parts and this poem I just really like. There are some things you can change up with rhymth and flow but other than that, it's fantastic Keep up the good work!

- Gezina

Such power of the mind should not go to waste. I find this touching to the Christian in me. First the ballerina danced with the devil and lost her soul, then she was freed by God and danced with Him in rejoice. Such grace in this poem. Keep writing for the sake of writing and never give up on what you set your mind to. Hope this helps. God bless your heart.

Hello there. First of all, the title is interesting but it seems unfitting for the poem 'cause the dancer's not the demon. Anyway...

Nitpicks:

At first it was a simple bow,
A step and then a twirl.

- Comma after 'At first'.
- This is a really catchy opening.

"The ballerina of the lost,"he mocked her with the name.

- You forgot to put a space before 'he'.

In his triumph he was too blind to see

- Put a comma after 'triumph'.

The song was silenced that demons sing

- This line seems wrongly written.

Her fear was gone, as were her sins,

- I don't think the comma after 'gone' is necessary.

And rid her of evil's mark, so cold.

- I'm confused with how you added the 'so cold' here. Did you mean 'so called'?

At first it was a simple bow,
A step and then a twirl.
They looked on in awe and were amazed at how
Evil could not touch this saved dancer girl.

- I think it is brilliant that you repeated the first verse (except the last line) here as the ending. I like the power in it.
- Anyway, I think it's better to use 'dancing' instead of 'dancer' there since 'dancer' and 'girl' are both nouns.


I like this poem. Although some lines and rhymes feel rough or forced (which is, I think, the main problem of the poem), I applaud you for following a certain rhyming scheme and this was not a short poem. It's not really easy so nice job on that. The rhyming scheme is what I really like in this poem. The story is good too but I think that you can still be more creative with it. I like the use of poetic justice in it by the way.

Never stop writing!