The Truth about Roses and Violets

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The molten sun is red, the indian tides are blue
Some colors are simply anonymous; I suppose that's what led me to you
But somewhere amid the aurora and the course of the ocean,
I misplaced my sensibility in a sky of emotion
And, believe me, the sky is a good way from the sun,
But the flames do not have such a great distance to come




Soon enough after I was lured to your conspired shade,
I was scalded by the sun, to which, I was swayed
It has taken a while, but I soon learned,
That if you caper near the embers, you may very well be burned




I hear you say love prevails beyond your treason
But understand me when I say, I dress for the weather, not the season
This is why I found refuge somewhere deep into the sky,
I had stooped too low and could not see the tides
And the only thing that cuts deeper than loving on account of infliction,
Is drowning in the ocean of your own senseless addiction




Now, I've burned and I've drowned,
To find what I've found
But I know they are both the merit of standing firm on the ground
Where I cannot be submerged by the pull of your tides,
Though, I cannot be led astray by the sway of your sky
Last edited by mollytate on Sat Jan 16, 2010 9:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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mollytate wrote:That if you caper near the embers, you may, very well be burned

no comma after the may; it's unnecessary and it flows much nicer without.
mollytate wrote:But understand me when I say, I dress for the weather, not the season

that was an awesome line.
mollytate wrote:Now, I've burned and I've drowned,
To find what I've found
But I know they are both the merit of standing firm on the ground
Where I cannot be submerged by the pull of your tides,
Though, I cannot be led astray by the sway of your sky

this is a beautiful stanza, and I think your poem should end with it. The last two lines strike me as really unnecessary, like the words THE END at the end of a story.
Besides that, beautiful new take on an old poisonous love story, it felt brand-spanking-new.
keep rhyming,
EMpress
ps you rhyme scheme was divine. :)
Last edited by empressoftheuniverse on Sun Jan 10, 2010 7:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.
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hello.

i think this is pretty cool. i love the title, and i love the post because it is far from what the title is all about. i expected something about roses and violets, or flowers.

i love the emotion. keep it up.

i like this.
And the only thing that cuts deeper than loving on account of infliction,
Is drowning in the ocean of your own senseless addiction
You've got the key to my heart..but have you forgotten about a duplicate?
Sorry. I've already given it to someone else.




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So, I feel as though I need to start out by saying that you are an unbelieveable good writer. I can not write poetry to save my life, but you make it look so easy! It's such a moving and emotion-filled poem. I love the detail! Keep up the great work! :)
There's only now, there's only here. Give into love, or live in fear. ~Jonathan Larson's RENT




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hmm... how shall i put this in words... ooh i got it... let's see... ok the poem was great and so was the title but the true thing you really wrote was "That if you caper near the embers, you may very well be burned" that is true about "love/lust"




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I agree, this poem is beautiful. I wish I can write like this, but I always get writers's block. dont you just hate that? lol



Poetry comes alive to me through recitation.
— Natalie Merchant