To None I Can Remember

To none I can remember
To all I can see
This life that was given so dearly
To me.

Shatter the pane that stands between
The way to light
And the way to purgatory.

I know not of what comes
Nor of what was.
You can’t take my presence;
I’ll set your world abuzz.

There is no wall
There is no hate
That will ever put me
In society’s rightful place.

Hell to the damned;
Damnation to the hell-bound.
Forever in disgrace
Never the forlorn.

To all I can remember
To none I can see.
This life I’ve been handed
I’ll love it well;
You’ll see.

Here to bamboozle you ^_^

I thought that this was brilliant (although I didn't really understand it, for me it was some sort of hazy reckoning of defiance and life and weird stuff) Ahh, after reading it again it kind of makes sense *hits head* although I like how you don't actually tell the reader what you're on about, you leave a little to the imagination. The rhyming is kind of there when it wants to be, which is okay in my opinion, because it works for certain places.

dancingmangos wrote:To none I can remember
To all I can see
This life that was given so dearly.
Shatter the pane that stands between
The way to light
And the way to purgatory

So, after the full stop, it doesn't really make much sense, it sounds like you're sticking it in for the heck of it, unless it's linked to the first part, which it doesn't really explain.

dancingmangos wrote:You can’t take my presence;
I’ll be sure of that

for me, saying 'that' seems kind of flat, maybe reword it?

dancingmangos wrote:There be no wall
There be no hate
That will ever put me
In society’s rightful place.

I feel like there should be words before 'be', it sounds a bit strange, also it would add more syllables, because at the moment those lines are 4, and the the next is 6.

dancingmangos wrote:Hell to the damned;
Damnation to the hell-bound.
Forever in disgrace
Never the forlorn.

To all I can remember
To none I can see.
This life I’ve been handed
I’ll love it well;
You’ll see.

<3 this part , I also like how you used repetition, but swapped the words 'all' and 'none'

Keep up the writing!

~Tinkembell

This is something I wrote in class that just flowed. They were the first words that came to mind, and they worked, so I put them in.
Thank you for the reviews, by the way!

This was simply W.O.W ! I loved the way you wrote it. this topic has been dealt with a number of times but I really liked your approach. The first four lines set the tone-

" To none I can remember
To all I can see
This life that was given so dearly
To me "
I loved the message you gave in the end, that you will love your life well come what may. An optimistic and uplifting piece. Great job.